Continuing on the previous thread's discussion about making amends.

Barb,

Hi Wonka,

I think it is great that you & Ms Wonka have reached a place where you can communicate peacefully. I think she has moved on, accepted your apology and has out the past in the past. But I wonder if you have not forgiven yourself. Maybe that is why you feels "stuck". Do you somehow still feel hope for a reconnection with her? Does improved communication give you some glimmer of hope? I'm not reading that at all in her communication. I think she is trying to help you reach a place of forgiveness & also move on.

As for Chuck - I gave up on any hope of meaningful communication with him even with respect to our kids. He texted in January "how is Ryan?" I replied " he is doing great - best winter ever". Took him 2 months to text "Ryan still ok?" - what? Like he couldn't have been ill 5 times since he last asked? Yep - some good & caring parenting going on there. He has virtually ignored the other 2 - who have learned to count on him for zero.

I'm not as familiar with your situation. Have you considered dating? Do you have any post split new hobbies or activities? Just curious as "moving on" entails a lot of different aspects in your life.

Barb

What I'd like to see happening between Ms. Wonka and I reconnecting as friends. We were really good friends and I miss that friendship. As for making amends, I am really sincere in making that with Ms. Wonka...but don't know how or what. That is my real conundrum at the moment.

I have dated since Ms. Wonka. Right now, I'm dating a hot girl named Cass. As for hobbies, I'm mad, mad about playing golf that I took up after Ms. Wonka left and try to do so when the weather permits. smile Prior to that, I played softball. I have a good social life and have very close friends who went to college with me. So I am good in that area.

Yes, you are correct that I sense that Ms. Wonka feels she's healed so that's good to see. So my focus is now squarely on the making amends aspect. Then go from there.

Bug,

In speaking with your inner child, have you discussed the possibility that you weren't quite ready to make amends or that there might have been other forces or expectations at work?

I think the Inner Child isn't ready to be vulnerable and talk about these topics without Ms. Wonka going first. I think Ms. Wonka has discussed a bit about her process of healing, but hasn't given me some clear directions on what she'd like from me in regard to making amends. As I mentioned earlier, the Inner Child is very much dug in on having Ms. Wonka go first. I am still working through this part and having the Inner Child come out to the other side feeling comfortable with "sharing" thoughts about making amends.

In regard to the healing, I have worked very, VERY hard at it in the first 5 years after Ms. Wonka left which entailed not dating for a while as I felt needy at that time and knew I'd slip on the slippery slope. I feel very comfortable with that process. When I felt that I had something to offer, it told me that I was ready to date again and I did in 2009.

To me, I would feel that the circle has come to a complete circle if Ms. Wonka would tell me what she'd like to see in regard to making amends to her. I guess I just want the opportunity to close that loop as Bets alluded in her previous post.

Bets,

I'll come around to your questions in the next post.