Is this what everyone means by "cake eating"? I feel like the current sitch is enabling h to lead his no responsibility do what ever he wants life. He cut back hours at work but still has all his expenses covered. He has no responsibility around house. Minimal responsibility for s. If something doesn't get done on his night with s (homework or bath) he knows I will pick up slack in morning because I will not let S suffer the consequences. The puppy is another great example. Who gets a puppy and then regularly stays iut until 2 am? Someone with a doormat at home. Again, I cant let the dog suffer.
None of this is new. I am sure I have ranted about it before. It is just really getting to me today as I have been fighting with s for a week to let me cut his nails and he is screaming "only dad will do it." hint. .dad isn't doing it.
What I get out of sitch is s under the same roof as me every night. That is big.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Oh I forgot to add this is apparently a major flaw in my personality in general. I just got feedback at work that my staff "doesn't stress" about getting stuff done because they know I will pick up the slack.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
I'm sorry you are having some stressful times. I'm an animal lover to so taking care of the dog isn't cake eating. In regards to your s, I think it's important not to to interfere with the that relationship. Meaning if your h doesn't do something for s that's on him. I know you are going to help s regardless. The point is that h (regardless of how he is behaving) is a grown up. I say don't remind him of stuff and no mothering.
Just my very weak 2cents:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I don't remind him and it doesn't get done. .. Until I do it. I am not going to let s go to school filthy and have him penalized for no home work. So when it is h night I know those things are getting added to the already jam packed morning.
As for dog. This is the new one be got because he matched his new care free life better than our old dog. I love him and don't mind taking care of him but it is like a kid who gets a puppy and promises he will take care of it but of course doesn't.
I know I sound whiny. I am just in a mood. I will get over it.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Julie, I completely sympathize with your sitch. We have S (special needs) and 2 cats and my W left 5 months ago at BD. She refuses to take the cats which were hers and only picks up S every other weekend. I feel like I suddenly do a lot of things that were shared experiences. The trick for me has been to not count on her for anything and getting used to living life as a single parent. Having expectations was a huge problem for me and I just decided I would plan to need to do everything.
I know your sitch is different because H is still there but if you can't count on his help then you are right its not fair to make your S suffer consequences.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Thanks GB and bunches. It was eady to let go of expectations re myself because he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me.
I am still having a MUCH harder time having no expectations re: s. A big part of that is that h is physically here. I need to syart thinking about his time with s as child care. Hopefully one day it will be parenting but that is not happening now so I j6st have to plan to build extra time into morning or whatever el se it takes.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
No contact with h yesterday and I am feeling much calmer today. I think a lot of my mood yesterday stemmed from s morning tantrum screaming for h.
My step kids are here this weekend. This has been the most difficult times since we are together more playing games or watching movies with the kids in the evening when I am off work.
My mantra this weekend is No expectations= happiness
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
It sounds like a lot of us LBS end up with fuller plates... the WAS seems free of a lot of responsibility. At first I was so resentful. That was actually always an issue in our M. But now... I'm now seeing it as a source of strength. I am doing so much--on my own. Look how strong and capable I am! My lack of independence was an issue in the M, too. And now I am so strong. And he is showing how weak he is. Feeling pity more than anger these days. How great you are to be able to handle all that stuff on your own, amd how lucky your kids are to have such a wonderful parent as you. Hang in there.
Rule #1 Is no snooping. I broke it for the first time in months and now I don't know what to do. I always knew there was OW. I knew who it is. But all I had was circumstantial evidence and he completely denied it.
Now I have proof. He left phone unattended for first time since BD. I went to kitchen to get paper towels because s threw up and there was a text on his phone saying I love you. I scrolled back a few months getting sicker and sicker reading some of the exact stuff he said to me.
I have known for 6 months. Why does it hurt so much?
What do I do now? I transferred achunk of money into a personal checking account. He has been working less and less and I am basically funding it.
Do I confront him and tell him to leave? I can't enabling him. He is clearly just using me for money and maid service.
He had been so much nicer lately I started to hope things were turning around. I am such a fool.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
