When she first left, she was angry and hostile so in my mind, these were positive steps.
However, without identifying what our goals/wants/needs/intentions are, along with addressing/resolving the underlying issues (i.e. her insecurity with me), then it would largely be treading water.
I was hoping that was the next milestone, but then this setback occurred.
It seems clear to me that many of her issues are innate. No matter what I do to allay her insecurity, it is never enough, which is why I think it is so critical she get therapy.
Me: 46 Ex: 38 Married: 10 Together: 12 No Children Separated (again): 09/06/13 Divorced: 02/27/15
dj, really, all your posts are about what's wrong with her. You should start focusing on you and how you can change to be a better mate. Surely, she would have criticisms of you that are equally telling. Not to beat you up, just trying to point out that you are the only one who you can change. So focus on that. Honestly, if my S were pushing me to do something all the time (even positively), I sure wouldn't do it. It's just human nature. Stay in your own sandbox. Leave her to hers.
^When I 'stay in my sandbox', I'm left with a spouse that doesn't communicate, is unhappy, hates her job, is depressed, but does nothing about changing anything.
Your own sandbox can become pretty confining & I would counter its human nature to try and help your spouse.
BTW, I'm faultless.
Me: 46 Ex: 38 Married: 10 Together: 12 No Children Separated (again): 09/06/13 Divorced: 02/27/15
Funny. You are projecting what she will do. Maybe if you stop pushing and leave a vacuum that will change the dynamic and cause her to do something different. Who knows. She's depressed and unhappy now, so it wouldn't be different, under your theory, if you stop trying. Good, save your energy then. I think your own sandbox becomes confining when you don't like who you really are or what you're doing. JMO. But you can't complain about her sandbox unless yours is clean and orderly. Work on your stuff and leave her to hers.
It is human nature to try to help your spouse, but human nature is part of LBS problems most times. We pursue, we ask penetrating questions, we try to fix.... and in every exampel I see on this site and read about those things make it worse. The problem with human nature to help is that it triggers their human nature to grow more disgusted, to run faster, and to detach further from us. Sorry to ring in with a negative point, but I have had a lot of problem with following my instincts and doing what I feel I'm supposed to and they usually take me further in the wrong direction.
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Now I'm struggling with leaving her alone & letting her make the next move, or texting her stating I am sorry for the harsh email which conflated multiple subjects instead of focusing solely on my feelings regarding the cancelled trip.
Me: 46 Ex: 38 Married: 10 Together: 12 No Children Separated (again): 09/06/13 Divorced: 02/27/15
If I could, I'd suggest giving some time first at least. There is only so much we can help from posting and you have to know best in your R but, in my opinion, changing from angry to sorry quickly can seem like knee jerk reactions. Those kind of reactions can be perceived as insincere, especially if given while she is still mad and wants to be mad for a while. Thats just my opinion though...
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
