You are doing AMAZING! I know it feels like you are not, sometimes, and this is hard, hard, hard, but you have been able to separate your feelings from your actions and keep your priorities straight. I wish I had been at such a place as you are as fast as you got there.
Yes, co-parenting is your goal right now. Along with continuing to enforce your boundaries so you can protect yourself, your feelings and your peace.
Hang in there!
One day at a time and today, you did great. Give your kids a huge hug and a kiss and enjoy every moment and all the blessings you have today. That will keep you strong!
(((((3boyz)))))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
You made a comment about moving on and dating....as a tool of manipulation. Yes, it may provide it's intended result, but I highly recommend skipping that game. Good moving on is taking the boys to Disney, going out with girlfriends regularly, working out, cutting back the time H spends in the house (I know you like the family time, but the reality is come divorce time and you truly moving on...This family time will be severely curtailed).
Here are the truths about dating:
1- You really aren't emotionally ready for it.
2- The dating world stinks!
3- It is not fair at all to the other person...Yes I have been the victim of this a few times lately. Nothing like dating a lady for a month and then the separated husband deciding to show up again.
4- This is the worst one (happened to a friend)...You become emotional attached to a guy and then your H decides to come home. Now you are emotionally tied to two different men. This gets really ugly, really fast.
Don't do things expecting results...Do things because YOU want to.
As for facebook.....We all don't use the DB moniker. I for one don't have the time for two facebook pages and I have zero to hide. So people like Eric, mach, and others....You won't see us using the moniker. Just an FYI.....and Melissa I did send you a friend request LOL
3b. Disney will be great for you and your bigger boys. I did the same trip with my d. we had a great time. It is so nice being on the monorail line because you can take a break back at the hotel if needed. I too have to work on the detaching, boundaries.... h comes over and I start telling him(blabbering) about my classes/day...I wish I could just be quiet! sigh! That line how to be happily disinterested without coming across as mad( ??) What do I want? What outcome am I hoping for? Kindness, I do struggle with the thoughts...
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
3boyz- It stinks OW is in the picture still (literally), but it is a step in the right direction that he recognized the issue before he did it. I had a very similar problem with my H last week, but he does not "get it".
And I also have been trying to figure out the DB FB thing! Nobody knows my sitch, so I'm afraid someone from my life might stumble upon me on there if I don't have a separate account. I'm still trying to figure that one out...
As for dating, who knows when you're ready? If you go in to it not looking for R, and both parties know that you can have some fun. You may realize that it's NOT what you want right now, so then you stop doing it. I don't think I'd do it for manipulation purposes, though, because if it doesn't work you'll feel worse in the end.
Just a thought...hang in there.
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
It does seem that H thinks you'll always be right where he left you
Just a little clarification, I'm sorry this might have sounded like I thought dating would be a good thing. I don't think it's a ever good to start a new R before the old one is put to rest.
Even if you start out thinking it's just for fun, it can quickly change for one or the other.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Opps...I think that I was not clear in my post. I am not looking to date and especially don't want to do so for the purpose of manipulating my H. I was simply stating what I think it would push my H off the fence one way or another. While I think it is the only thing that would cause him to make a decision now, I am not trying to force a decision. If my H wants to try again I want him to try for legitimate reasons that are lasting. Plus we both still have a lot of work to do.
Saw H to tonight for the first time since Sunday. I came in happy and with a smile on my face. H was awkward and pretty much ignored me. While walking out the door my H said "alright I'll talk to you." He was out the door as I said alright.
I made the decision to not try and fix this. Everytime we have a discussion H becomes all distant and awkward. I fix it because I hate feeling that way. I think that I am going to leave it be for now. Do you all agree? Man i hate this.
3B - I also have a tendency to try to "fix" or smooth over the situation when awkwardness ensues. Just last night, we had a phone call that ended abruptly and awkwardly (there wasn't even R talk involved). My temptation was to contact him and figure out what the issue was so it could be resolved. I've decided one of my 180's is to not fix those things.
I agree that you are handling it the right way. If you aren't trying to fix it, it's like you are acting as if you were unaffected by the exchange.
3B - I can totally empathize with the desire to fix... (I was just talking to bug about this - lol).
I think many of us here are guilty of that. It's hard and it takes a lot of constant work to change those habits, but the fact that you can see it and recognize it for what it is, is half the battle. Kudos for you!
I applaud your introspection and openness to change and improvement within yourself. You should feel proud of that!
In 12 step programs, we say "let go and let god." I find it a great reminder in all my R and in many, many situations.
You are doing great!
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
