So what does she stand to lose by continuing the A? She gets all her needs met and has no consequences, plus has her H waiting patiently until she decides to end things with OM.
I completely agree with what you are saying. This is the perfect cake eating situation. I've been stuck at this point since the A resumed a few weeks back. I feel every bit as neutered as it appears.
As I see it: - I can ask her to give up OM and commit to MC. - she will say no. - I can then ask her to leave bedroom/house, whatever. - she will say no. - At that point, I can file. - that will make it very real. Maybe it will snap her into reality, but the plan can't depend on that and rightly so.
I could be ready to file in a month, and I could carry through with it to the end. I would wonder if things would have been different had I waited for A to end "naturally", whatever that means, but I could probably live with it. I think 2 months might be a lower bound.
I agree that if say 6 months down the road there is status quo, then there is no chance she'll ever respect me after letting this run that long, and I'd be a fool to waste any more of my time. Leaving at that point would be financially better for everyone, and I will have had the summer with the kids.
I have to check to fully understand the implications of filing first. My assumption is that it is not in my favor. I'll be a man abandoning his wife and children.
So the questions are: - is there any hope that this will change within next 6 months by DB alone? She's still conflicted, but there's no pressure and sleeping pills solve that problem.
- is there any other way for her to feel consequences? If I were to kick her out of the marital bed, would that be a jolt enough to make her think that maybe I wouldn't sit it out to a time of her choosing? Might make her rethink her options. What's the downside?
- I could do non DB things, like bomb OM's M, which is apparently in name only. Hey, OM's W might be a good collaborator. W thinks I won't do that because it would make OM available.
- Can't do anything that looks punitive in the eyes of the court.
So short of making an assertive exit plan that has me filing unless conditions are met (which I am putting together to be triggered between say 2 and 6 months hence if nothing changes) is there anything else to be done?
