I guess I am scared for all this process and my ego still gets in the middle of all this, trying to control the outcome of all this, I am meeting with my still W at least legally tomorrow, listen to what she wants to say about this financial matters and go with the mentality of not controlling the outcome...at the end its going to happen whatever God wants.
The more you try to control things the harder & more painful it will be because ultimately you can only control yourself, your W's actions are not your to control - the best thing you can do for yourself is to accept the situation as it is, it isnt an easy thing to do but you'll find comfort in handing things over and just focusing on the things you can change, which is mainly YOURSELF.
Good luck tomorrow.
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
I guess I am scared for all this process and my ego still gets in the middle of all this, trying to control the outcome of all this, I am meeting with my still W at least legally tomorrow, listen to what she wants to say about this financial matters and go with the mentality of not controlling the outcome...at the end its going to happen whatever God wants.
I would strongly recommend that you NOT meet with ANYONE to discuss legal and financial matters, when:
a) that person is currently your adversary; and
b) that person has retained legal counsel; and
c) you haven't
If you MUST, then do NOT make ANY decisions . . . just LISTEN. Your reply should be "OK, I will have to think about that, and get back with you." or even "I'm not going to agree to anything right now, but I hear that you are saying ____________. I'll have to get back to you on that."
Yes Starsky thats exactly my plan, I am going simply to listen, write everything down and proceed to let an attny know everything.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Well today I am meeting my W, I read a bunch of sitchs and everybody at least has the chance to talk or know why the R ended and whatever... Me? Well unfortunatelly I didnt have that chance and my head today has been acting out... I have been scared...anxious later...scared again and when I got home I started to check her call log and saw that she is been talking today to lawyers..... In my sitch she is not even doubting...100% convinced of Divorce so I guess I was never that important in her life...
Even if everything seems so black and out of hope I am decided to take a different approach, I will meet her today at 4pm in person and listen to her, validate and pure active listening, I feel at this point even that its not gonna work....I married and actress and it looks like she was acting for 4 years and a half....either that or how my sponsor said today she is really in her disease...dont know about that...in her facebook pics she looks happy as well as all the comments she did when she left.... Divorced thank God! I wish I never meet him Walking around at night and I dont wonder myself anymoer what could it be, I am so happy and free for the first time in a long time...
So I guess I was the biggest mistake in her life and probably she is really enjoying the pain she has caused me....I probably deserve it...I complained too much to her that she never wanted to hear my feelings...lied to her about bein a pro cyclist when I was 15 years old and basically wishing to have kids and buy a house... I feel terribly guilty for wanted those things and also a baby... Still I will validate whatever she say and listen and if thats what will make her happy and even more of my pain will give her more happiness I guess I am willing to take that pain so she can be happy again...I just dont know what I did so wrong, why loving her wasn't enough, I am feeling so low self stem tonight...
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
In my sitch she is not even doubting...100% convinced of Divorce so I guess I was never that important in her life...
Working toward a Divorce is her choice.
It has consistently been her choice since she told you....
And it will continue to be her choice...until it isn't her choice anymore...
Fighting against it, will only show her that you have zero respect for her decisions, and will INvalidate her feelings...
So just relax, don't try to control her feelings, and act, instead of REacting to her...
Originally Posted By: ye21
Still I will validate whatever she say and listen and if thats what will make her happy and even more of my pain will give her more happiness I guess I am willing to take that pain so she can be happy again...I just dont know what I did so wrong, why loving her wasn't enough, I am feeling so low self stem tonight...
So let's try something different....
I once read about something called a 180(?) in a Divorce Busting book....
Go into today being happy, PMA at a maximum level, and act "as if" everything in the world is okay, and is going to be okay...(because it really is)
Fake it till you make it...
Stop trying to be the Martyr (by taking? her pain?), and realize that what she says, is her version of the truth.
You have your version of the truth, and where the two different versions meet, is probably where the real truth lies....
Listen to what she says, apologize for the things that "sting" that back of your neck, try to understand the things that don't sting...
Go in with your best self, be different, smell different, act different, dress different, and watch the dynamic change....
Listen more than you talk, keep the conversation on point, and walk away about 5 minutes before you are ready to...
Don't linger, and don't get all teary eyed when you leave...
Act as if you are 10 minutes late for something that you love when you leave....
In my sitch she is not even doubting...100% convinced of Divorce so I guess I was never that important in her life...
Working toward a Divorce is her choice.
It has consistently been her choice since she told you....
And it will continue to be her choice...until it isn't her choice anymore...
Fighting against it, will only show her that you have zero respect for her decisions, and will INvalidate her feelings...
So just relax, don't try to control her feelings, and act, instead of REacting to her...
Originally Posted By: ye21
Still I will validate whatever she say and listen and if thats what will make her happy and even more of my pain will give her more happiness I guess I am willing to take that pain so she can be happy again...I just dont know what I did so wrong, why loving her wasn't enough, I am feeling so low self stem tonight...
So let's try something different....
I once read about something called a 180(?) in a Divorce Busting book....
Go into today being happy, PMA at a maximum level, and act "as if" everything in the world is okay, and is going to be okay...(because it really is)
Fake it till you make it...
Stop trying to be the Martyr (by taking? her pain?), and realize that what she says, is her version of the truth.
You have your version of the truth, and where the two different versions meet, is probably where the real truth lies....
Listen to what she says, apologize for the things that "sting" that back of your neck, try to understand the things that don't sting...
Go in with your best self, be different, smell different, act different, dress different, and watch the dynamic change....
Listen more than you talk, keep the conversation on point, and walk away about 5 minutes before you are ready to...
Don't linger, and don't get all teary eyed when you leave...
Act as if you are 10 minutes late for something that you love when you leave....
Thank you so much guys, I cant put in words how much this advices mean to me, I will follow each advice and I will post later how things went, I have Therapy before I meet her so I will ask my therapist to help me validate. Again thank you, thank you, thank you for being with me at this times.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Well it went awful, she basically is serving me the D papers april 1st and she keep pushing me to give her a date of when I will pay the IRS and when I will give her the deposit of the apartment back. She also accussed me of fuc ing the whole relationship and she said that I never showed as a man but as a child....
I broke in tears after she accused me of just wanting things from her like money...the greencard and to put her down always I told her that she has no idea of the pain I am going thrue and she cant even imagine, she said she just want the divorce so she can move on forward with her life. well I never did that but thats what she believe and its not true at all. I marry her because I loved her but I dont know why she doesnt want to see that.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
I told her that she has no idea of the pain I am going thrue and she cant even imagine, she said she just want the divorce so she can move on forward with her life. well I never did that but thats what she believe and its not true at all. I marry her because I loved her but I dont know why she doesnt want to see that.