Magic, First, I like to clear up something in your subject line...this is thread number 26, not 25.
Now. on to the important matters of the day.
1. Seek legal counsel. Listen to what the lawyer has to offer you in the way of advice. Nothing or no one is telling you to hire this person to go forward w/any action. Take what information that you receive and store it in a safe place. At least if you are still going to meet w/a mediator, you will know what you are entitled to. Whether you go for what you are entitled to, that is your business.
2. Separate the business from the relationship.
3. Please understand that this is a forum about relationships and not about business ventures. We do try to guide people in the right direction, but ultimately, we are mainly here to discuss relationship issues...not business ventures that appear to be souring by the minute.
4. Bottom line, you and only you can decide what is best for you when it comes to the business financial aspects. Apples and oranges do not mix well at all and that's what has been going on in the last 25 postings.
5. Let's get back to discussing your issues with the personal relationship and leave the business one to the legal authorities.
6. There is a thread on the forum that gives some good pointers on communication. If you would like for me to locate it and post the link. I'll be happy to do so...but I do think it's best that we do not discuss any further about the business. That is an entirely separate entity that requires professional scrutiny. We all have given you advice and suggestions about what to do, but you need to really be speaking to "real" people in the "real" world about this. That is what lawyers, accountants and mediators are for...to guide you on such matters.
Now, about your relationship w/the SO, I would be nice, i.e., civil, but I would not entertain any more talks about reconciliation, the relationship or his female friend under you have settled up the issues of the business. Once the dust is settled, you can then decide whether he is continuing to keep on a string if he's sincere about doing the work. It's one step at a time and for now...get your financial and business issues settled. They are the most important things that you need to be focusing on right now. As for your SO, he's not going anywhere. Why do I say that? Because he's right where you left him 25 threads ago...in the same rut, spinning his wheels and yours.
You, and only you, have the power to change your life. No one else can do it for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Now, about your relationship w/the SO, I would be nice, i.e., civil, but I would not entertain any more talks about reconciliation, the relationship or his female friend until you have settled up the issues of the business. Once the dust is settled, you can then decide whether he is continuing to keep you on a string or if he's sincere about doing the work. It's one step at a time and for now...get your financial and business issues settled. They are the most important things that you need to be focusing on right now. As for your SO, he's not going anywhere. Why do I say that? Because he's right where you left him 25 threads ago...in the same rut, spinning his wheels and yours.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Last night I met up with an old bf who is a friend of mine, we had dinner & he explained my business position to me. When his marriage broke up 4 years ago, he was able to remove his emotions and dissolve his finances with his wife without a lawyer. I wanted impartial advice. I got it. He was very matter of fact with me and to point out about not nickel/dime-ing. That I would be wasting at least this much with a lawyer. I have come to terms with a few things that I didn't like, but in the BIG picture... I am still financially ahead, and I should focus on that number!
To answer, I did seek legal advice months ago... $130G is minimum what my costs would be due to my complicated situation. I know my position and without a fight, I am not "entitled". If I was to fight, yes... I stand a very good chance to do financially better. BUT! at a cost. I don't care if my xh gets a few more bucks than I do... better than the lawyer.
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Meanwhile, I have been nice/civil... keeping business focused (easy to do as I am overwhelmed). xh wanted me to "go for a ride, so we could talk" yesterday. I declined stating that I wanted to go to the bank (and I got my nails done). Yesterday, he also "pee'd" outside, very close to me (immediately behind me), not around the corner or behind another vehicle or nearby tree. This is a change for him. When BD happened, he wouldn't allow me to touch or see him...for a very long time. If I walked in on him by mistake, he would be furious. This coming from a man who was very comfortable with open door bathroom policy. He is becoming comfortable around me again.
I really hope that once this business stuff is settled, that he is genuine about R, and has not been stringing me. I have come to realize too that I was unhappy in my R too, and I was constantly pretzelling myself to please him. I loved him unconditionally and he could do no wrong. This isn't the same for me. I too deserve to be loved unconditionally, regardless if I make a mistake. I was afraid he wouldn't love me. I was driven by that. Constantly trying to keep my head above water. Trying to please someone who couldn't be pleased. I am now realizing my "full" value and need to hold true to myself so that I can get what I want... even if it means not him.
I am glad that I am doing the work to realize things....
Yes... he is still in his rut spinning his wheels. I am not willing to be "there" with him. I know what I want. I hope he someday gets the help he needs. I hope someday that he is willing to look deep into himself.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
not really .... just that we are told to watch and take notice in DB'ing... and I have noticed "things" becoming easier for him. Him softening up... allowing me to casually touch him (although Im refraining these days). Im not going to write a book about it. Im not saying it means much. One thing he mentioned a few weeks ago, was the fact that it was important and he likes that he can "do that" around me.
He's a guy... he likes to "P" outside !!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I'm a guy, and unless I'm camping or golfing (in which case, I'll go appropriately deep into the woods before relieving myself), I don't do this and don't know any other guy who does (unless it's like fishing or camping or something).
let me rephrase.... our storage location does not have facilities. However, given the opportunity my xh prefers to mark his territory outside. He is a country dude.
End of topic!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
He's pretty flirtatious today and possibly even making a sexual move but turned it into something else when I didn't follow his lead. Lol. Also odd questions about a boyfriend status. Then offers dinner at the keg. Bring daughter too. I was casual. Didn't jump. Said sure. Now I just don't know when it is. Old magic would enquire
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
