However underneath that, the core truths remain. Imagine a drug-addicted relative that constantly laments his plight in life and makes excuse after excuse for doing nothing about it despite your repeated attempts to help; it just gets old and at some point you have a right to tell that person exactly how you feel.
I disagree with a couple of things above. Their life is just that....THEIR LIFE. Regardless of your judgement, or how you think they could make it better, or how you think they are wasting it. It's still THEIR choice.
Did you tell her exactly how you feel? Or did you let your anger and hurt mask your true feelings? I think your msg would have been a lot stronger, and truer, had you been calm in the approach.
What I see is you trying to make your W behave the way you want her to behave....you want her to treat you a certain way, live her life a certain way, make choices that you'd make. That isn't going to happen, and is going to just cycle until you are both miserable. And the communication between you two doesn't seem great on top of it.
Ultimately, what you can, and should do, is take control of YOU. You have to decide what kind of person you want to be....and what kind of person you want to have a relationship with. If your W can't or won't be that person, you have the choice to move on.
Did you read those posts from Pearl that Starsky linked? To me, that was exactly where you should be going....define what you want, draw boundaries, and then act on them.
I agree with most (not all) of your points & I have work to do in exactly the areas you mention.
I'm not trying to make her live her life the way I would insomuch as state the horrible way she handled this and how I felt as a result.
For 6+ years she has complained that she can't find a decent job. I offered to:
* Pay for a Life Coach * Suggested she work with a vocational or college counselor * Take an aptitude test to find where her strengths lie * Put a business plan together that I would help refine and fund * Pay for her to return to school or attend vocational training * Work with a recruiter
Nothing.
Instead excuse and 'poor me, I have a BA and I can't find a job, I know it would be better if we lived elsewhere'.
Now she has a crummy job which she hates and basically prevents us from having any sort of social life. In addition to making peanuts & being treated like crap by hotel guests, she will...not...quit and makes excuses for not engaging in a job search in any meaningful way. Every single one of her peers has quit or been fired.
And that's just ONE example.
She is a sweet, beautiful woman, but behaves like someone 18, not 37 years old.
Me: 46 Ex: 38 Married: 10 Together: 12 No Children Separated (again): 09/06/13 Divorced: 02/27/15
