wife denies the affair

[25yearsmlc]

before I came home last night, stopped off at meijer and bought my W this little easter chic that lights up the rubber gooy kind.

I don't know what this^^ means, (or most of the next paragraph below).

Just saying, I'm a bit lost here.


I came home, went into the bedroom and told her, Wife, I brought home this chic and she is lonely, I said your not mad she says no in a odd voice like what is he talking about, I then said she will give you good company and fun, I then said her she is I give it to her flashing she starts laughing saying to me your
your funny and where did you get this, still laughing, she said thank you, she even said the last time you gave me a farm animal I ended up marrying you. On our first date I told her a friend of mine was stopping up and she got real concerned, I let this go on for about an hour and then I made her look the other way and said oh her he is and put pig pez candy dispencer on the table and she looked and just laughed and told me that was sweet etc.. the rest is history.

I then gave her a back massage and she let me touch her back butt massaging it, with out a problem and this has been going on this whole time she dropped the bomb. When I was done she tells me Thank you and you can sleep in the bed tonight for giving me a massage, I actually laughed and I mean I thought it was funny and I told her I always appreciated when she makes me laugh. I wasnt laughing at her I truly thought it was funny.

About an hour goes by and she seems to be tossing and turning, so she got up and went to sleep in the other room, Not sure what to make of that.

Sounds as if she wasn't sleeping well. Read nothing into that. IT'd be mind reading. Don't bother. IF it is important or significant, she'll let you know.


I use leave her little notes around the house put them in her car etc.. and yes that stuff faded as we got busy with kids work etc.

You have to decide if you are going to pursue her to win her back,

OR you want to detach and let her see your changes somehow, without pursuit,

OR going dim on her. IF she is saying she notices your changes for the better, then you tell me, what is working and what is not?

I can't get an accurate reading on her behavior yet.


I took her for granted by not being there for her, emotionally and I'm know I just did't just listen to her, I know I try to fix it for her,

that OFTEN comes off as a form of criticism of the wife, as if the h cannot believe she is stumped by the problem b/c HE can solve it with two sentences or a 10 second "solution"...

OR when a h says "w, you say X is bothering you at work? Tell him you'll quit the job if he won't shut up", as if the thought had never occurred to her. Telling someone off is usually NOT the solution anyhow but more importantly

To the wife, it ends up sounding like her h is saying "I gave you the solution so stop talking about it now. Since I solved it for you, now let's talk about MY favorite subject..."

In short, it comes off more like a "okay shut up now" than any loving suggestion. Sometimes we simply want to be heard and supported emotionally. Not fixed...


I drank to much,



Drinking too much is a big deal. It's not merely the act of drinking itself. That looks bad enough.

Drinking too much means you are less available for intimacy (the more enjoyable kind), less available to help with the children or the home or yard, and a pretty mediocre (at best) role model for the children...it means hang overs the next day, which affects your behavior and relationships.

It seeps into so many things other than merely being in the chair looking mentally absent.

My dad was a brilliant, educated, hard working alcoholic. He never lost his job and our bills were paid and when he was sober, he was a good dad. But he got drunk every night for 15 years and that ruined a lot of family memories. It permeated every holiday...every single one.


I just need to be a better person and stop being selfish, I really know what I have done wrong in this M, even When it was happening, I just felt like zi will never make he happy, so I withdrew myself at times, and then I would do nice things for her and she wouldsee it, and then pattern would start over, so now I know why she is afraid of my changes.


consistent changes + sufficient time = changes she can believe in.

I do notice when I pulled yesterday she was blowing my phone up, but when I give her attention she takes it.


I don't know what this^^ sentence means.


so if i withdrew in the M and if I withdraw now isnt that more of the same? and if I do what I did last night isn't that pressuring persuing?

I can't tell what is helping and what is not, and I cannot tell partly b/c I don't understand your comments. Just curious, is English your second language?

If not, maybe you can write a bit more specifically, so I know what "blowing a phone up" means. I have teenagers but I asked and none of them have heard that phrase unless it means someone using up minutes...

The more she denies the A, imo, the better. Would you prefer her admitting it and saying "I LOVE OM"??

B/c that's what your pushing her about it, could lead to. It's a lot like demanding an answer from her, that you don't really want to get.