I'm not. I told w. I am responsible for 50% of the issues in M
Stop this^^^ asap. This is 1) NOT accurate and 2) NOT helpful.
It's pure score keeping. And YOUR score card, is NOT hers. Trust me on that.
You think a woman in an active affair, believes SHE is half responsible for the state of the marriage? I highly doubt it. Lose the scorecard. It always hurts the marriage.
OWN ALL OF YOUR SHORTCOMINGS, 100% of them...they are YOUR flaws... and say nothing about hers. First, NOW is not the time for you to be measuring her flaws and comparing...good grief. Second, It's not your job to correct her or to tell her what her flaws are. You are the last person she needs to hear that from. It does not make you more attractive to her, OMG just the opposite. The OM makes her feel good about herself. You think your "half wrong, half right" theory helps?
That sentence just rubs so many WAWs the wrong way it's really a NO NO (per my DB coach as well). Model the changes you want to make in you, and let that be what she learns from IF she wants.
and it has caused her to go for affair, but I don't take responsible for her affair and our M can be restored.
I'm getting a little confused with different methods I need some help...advice I will follow it.
^^^That's your biggest problem, you are mixing approaches. If you want to use the other approach, go ahead.
But mixing these approaches always fails, b/c they contradict each other.
IT's very confusing and just not helpful. How would you know which part of what, is helping?
Make a choice and a plan and implement it. Don't keep mixing up the approaches.
The DB books says NOT to snoop. It also defines "exposure" as a spouse confronting the wayward spouse, and DB does not suggest it, but says it can, sometimes in certain situations, help.
But that would be an interaction between you TWO, not involving anyone else.
And there is no room for snooping. If I were concerned that my h was having an affair AND IF I KNEW IT WAS A DEALBREAKER, then I could see snooping just to confirm the affair, and then ending the marriage.
But snooping "just to know" and then to confront and hear a denial, and then snoop some more, to repeat the same "confrontation/denial", is NOT constructive.
This seems obvious to me. And I think it's part of why DB says not to do it.
It also makes reconciliation much harder and not just b/c of how it makes YOU feel. But how it makes the spouse feel....
No matter what you SAY, if you continue to snoop, it will NOT make your w feel that reconciliation is more likely....how could it?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
