Hi I am new to posting here but have been reading various threads for a while and have been trying to folow some of the advice given. Very briefly, I discovered at xmas that my wife had been having an affair. It had only been going on for two weeks although she had known the guy for two years at work. I had thought we were happy but obviously not. After weeks of trying to save our marriage( she wouldn't give up this guy as he was moving away and she wanted to be with him until then, I was never meant to find out about the affair) we eventually split and she has moved to an apartment leaving me at home with our two little boys. I'm completely devastated and mainly as she has become a completely different person, almost as if she has been abducted by aliens and replaced by a lookalike. I have tried to apply the divorce busting guidelines such as not pursuing or begging etc but I am at my wits end as in three short months my life has dissappeared. I desperately want to save my marriage and although she has finally agreed to marriage guidance with me( i was going alone for weeks) she has stated that her position is the same. She is saying it is a six month trial but she is talking and acting as if it is over. The other guy is off the scene as he has left but I know she got much more emotionally attached than she had intended.And they do stay in touch by text etc although I know he has made it clear he is not interested in a relationship and there can be no future, she has admitted that also. As she says, it was meant to be a bit of fun for a few weeks before he left but obviously its not fun now. We have to see a lot of eachother because of the boys( they live most of the time with me) but the emotional distance is killing me as I really miss what we had. She has started to state problems with our marriage as reasons for her affair but despite me trying to work at things she doesn't want to deal with things. She says she needs space and time and wants to 'find herself'and gain some independence. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
How are you taking care of yourself? You'll need to be strong in yourself for a while.
Great that OM is not interested. Now you need to work on your part of the marriage. Any insights W gives you on this are valuable. Give her time - all this must be tough for her too -
What are you doing on the GAL front?
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Sorry you're going thru this. I know it's extremely painful. Have you read DR/DB yet? Start there. The 37 Rules posted in the Newcomers section is also essential.
How about some more history of the M? How long, kids, issues in the M?
The thing about affairs....they do make people crazy, and they are like an addiction. She's not going to want to give him up right now, and even if he has indicated it's over, she'll eventually mourn the loss of the affair. It'll be a while before you recognize her again. Her blaming you is normal...wrong, but normal.
So right now, use this time to your advantage. Start digging in. Clearly things weren't great between you two. What have been her complaints in the past? What don't you like about your role in the M? Those are the things to start with.
I seems I have two threads running on this as I thought my first post hadn't registered Can everyone please refer to this thread as I have answered some questions there
