You are doing the same here, you are invalidating your W feelings and that will always drive her to " defensive mood" this is were you have to start using your first 180....validate doesnt mean agree, it means only listening and underestand the way they feel without giving advice or suggestions, if I want to be a firefighter I will because thats what I want, not because you tell me that its the best job for me.
I happen to agree with most of this here ^^^, but it's also why I don't buy into the whole "Validation-at-all-Costs" movement. If, by what he stated, djh was speaking the truth, and they were not only real issues with him but they were, in fact, DEALBREAKERS -- his "N.U.T.S." as the book of that name calls the non-negotiable, unalterable terms -- then I think he is drawing a boundary of personal integrity.
There's a time for validation, I agree. But sometimes it's pure b.s. to say "I hear you saying that you blame me for all of your issues. How does that feel for you?" Crap behavior is crap behavior, and canceling this trip at the last minute (and frankly, most of her other issues [at least how they're being described to us here]) are crap behavior.
In my opinion.
It comes down to "do you want to try to reconcile or not?" I'm hearing dh say either "No" or "No, at least not at any cost -- some things would have to change." If that's the case, then I see nothing wrong in him conveying those things honestly to his wife. To do less would be dishonest, no?
Crap behavior is crap behavior, and canceling this trip at the last minute (and frankly, most of her other issues [at least how they're being described to us here]) are crap behavior.
