Ok you send that, you know what she will read out of that?
My H things he is "right" and I am "wrong" basically he doesnt accept me, he denies my feelings and as always he wants to demonstrate that I am "wrong" and he is "right".
He is judging me and trying to show me how I am a mess..
Well now that he said that I will get in what its called "defensive" mood
And man a woman in "defensive" mood its the horse of the devil
You approached all this completelly different of what Dbing says and once you take an action....you have to be ready for the consequences and for what I can read here they are not going to be smooth ones...
I know we all have "values" and beliefs, but most of them are product of EGO, a need to demonstrate that we are worth, that we do things with the best intentions, when we love somebody we dont allow them to do things in a different way and that most of the time hit us back...
I was reading yesterday about feelings validation.. A social worker was saying how when kids go to the hospital they say : I am scared...a validation for this will be: I hear you are scared, I would feel the same way...what scares you so much? And just listen... She was saying how when kids say that always somebody comes and say ; you dont have to be scared, there is nothing to ne scared, you are a grown boy, there is no reason to be scared come on! Well that its invalidation....
You are doing the same here, you are invalidating your W feelings and that will always drive her to " defensive mood" this is were you have to start using your first 180....validate doesnt mean agree, it means only listening and underestand the way they feel without giving advice or suggestions, if I want to be a firefighter I will because thats what I want, not because you tell me that its the best job for me.
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
