I think I belong here #2

[praying_in_GA]

You know, I do think it would be easier without him here. Just easier for me to let go because things aren't so normal. Right now the only thing lacking in this house is the love between the parents. Everything else is as it always has been. Last time he dropped the bomb and left all in one hour. It hurt like hell but it made things easier. I had time to cry and wail and let all of the hurt out. I also had no choice but to pick myself up and march on...someone had to care for the kids.

He said he would leave if I asked him to. It would be hard on all of us...he would be further away from school with crappy internet (making school harder), further away from my house making him less likely to help with gymnastics drop offs and pick ups, in turn making me lose even more sleep between shifts because now I am doing it all on my own. Last time he showed up right when I left for work and left right when I got home. No more, no less. I was easier because I didn't have to see him and I could ignore his calls. I was harder because it was an instant cut off from a two parent household.

He is trying to push buttons. He admitted it last week. He said he has tried to pick fights with me and I'm not taking it. He said I am confusing him and he sees my behavior as fake. He said he has been so used to leaning one way that thinking about leaning another doesn't seem right.