[BrightFuture]

Thanks, Portia,

I sent the e-mail this morning. I left it as it was, just inserted a couple of cheerful sentences. I don’t think I am ready to suggest a dinner. I don’t want him to think that I interpreted that weekend as a sign for reconnection. I let him stew more. If he suggests the dinner or something like that, I will go.

I wanted to badly to go to the vacation home this weekend. There is an annual music festival over there. This also would be a good chance to see if H would want to be around me again. But, the universe made it very difficult for me. My sister is doing the B-day party for her son, who turns 18. I was kind of considering to skip the party, even though I felt that she would be offended. They’ve been supporting me so much during all this time, and I would feel guilty. But then I’ve learnt that my Dad is coming at the end of the week for a visit. Plus, I think I signed up for a 5K run this Sunday. This is something we’ve been doing every year. My BIL (H’s brother) started this tradition, and my son and his GF also participated for a few years. H would not miss this event in the past, but this year he told me that he is not coming, because he is staying for a music festival. This is kind of strange. He always wanted to participate in 5K and connect with some friends and his brother of course. Maybe this year he feels uncomfortable for some reason. I know, mind reading.

Another reason I wanted to go to the vacation home is that I wanted to bring the tax return for him to sign. I would prefer doing this as opposed to him coming here. For some reason I still feel uncomfortable and nervous. I don’t know why I feel this way again. Back in December I was prepared to give him all his possessions that were still in the house. He only took his clothes, and even not all of it. Now, I’m back with anxiety that he might ask about the remaining stuff. I guess that weekend at the vacation home didn’t do me any favors. I got my hopes up and started clinging to the rope again. I need to let it go.

Oh, and my friends from vacation home called me yesterday. They are going for a trip to male’s friend’s home country in a couple of weeks and want to spend a few days with me in the city. So, they were trying to make some arrangements for that and before that and mentioned my H driving them to the border at some point for my GF to get her passport. I didn’t quite understand the whole story, but my male friend was asking me about the taxes and if they were ready for H to sign. Their arrangements were dependent on my H’s driving here. So, I guess H shared this info with them. And now I’m thinking that H either forgot or didn’t pay attention when I told him that the taxes were ready. It could be that he was just playing a little and didn’t want them to know the truth. I know, mind reading again.

I think I can expect H this week or next week. I need to be prepared mentally.