I haven't followed your sitch until just these last couple of posts, so I'm trying to catch up.
It sounds like your wife's PA isn't a dealbreaker for you (it wasn't for me, either, at least not for a little while, and so long as my wife respected my other boundaries like "no calling or texting OM from inside our marital home," "no spending marital assets on your affair," etc.). But have you decided what IS? (a dealbreaker that is)
I think it's important for betrayed/bombed spouses to do some deep soul-searching, and learn what their own non-negotiable core beliefs are. The fact that you're still so anxious to impress her, in the face of today's revelation, is striking to me.
