Yes, Yes, Yeppers, Yup....his track record as a husband has been in the crapper. He'd much rather be the OM instead of honest, goodness to God husband. (oh man, man...the stories...we have been estranged over periods when he was into his As. What can I say? He got a pretty headstrong person for a daughter)
That's why I suggested that Scorp finds out what the kids' routine is when they're with his wife. If Scorp knows the routine, he can find the holes and say "right, I'll call at X time". It's no use Scorp saying to his wife "I'm calling at X time" if his wife's schedule doesn't permit it (in my post, dinner or bath time). Get the info, make the decision, follow up.
I have to agree with Mach on this:
"I WILL be calling the kids at 7 every night. And if there is any attempt to block this, then I will be taking them back to my province with me, and I will allow you to speak with them every night at 7....."
Substituting the time you want for the time that works with you AND your wife. You have to be consistent with this. If you are and she blocks it, fire off the warning and act on it if it continues. If you call at random times, you won't have a leg to stand on; she's trying to organise the kids of a night time and you'll be interfering with that.
As for your MIL's involvement, when she takes the phone off the kids, that will be pretty obvious so document it, however I sense some mindreading when you suggest that your MIL is involved when the phone isn't answered at all. You're probably right but it's doing you NO good having these thoughts. You're holding yourself back by mindreading. Get the parenting plan in place and worry about your own life, not what your wife/MIL may/may not be doing.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
I've thought of a lot of things I'd like to do (take my kids back to my province, take my car back from my W, tell my in-laws in no uncertain terms that they are not involved in our situation and do not have a say in how our children are raised etc etc). None of them have anything to do with being strong. They would make me feel better but wouldn't do anything to improve the situation with my family.
If I took my kids back home with me it would only serve to have them torn between my W and I as she would immediately get a court order and have them returned to her province. I should have done that when she took them, I didn't. I was doing what I thought I needed to save my M at the time. I was a big time controlling a** in our marriage so the last thing I wanted to do at the time was to come off as still being a controlling jerk. Gotta love hindsight.
It has taken all the strength I have to be patient, kind ,caring etc. I could give in to negative feelings and for a short time I might feel better, maybe, but it definitely would not improve the situation.
I'm giving my W the time she says she needs to share the kids. If she doesn't agree to 50/50 or if she takes too long to decide then my L will be the one being nasty, not me.
I gotta say though, do you guys really believe that if I just TELL my W to do what I want she will listen just because I'm being a "strong" man?
Hey, I've made plenty of mistakes in my time and I've made a few more since my whole situation started so I definitely could be wrong with my approach to things.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
Barry, I call at the same time every night. The kids schedule seems to change and I do not get any notice of the change. Generally the kids are bathed and ready for bed by the time I call but there are times when that isn't the case. I don't mind that so much but IMO if my kids need to go to bed 10 minutes past their bedtime so they can talk to their Dad a bit longer then it's well worth it.
All of that can be sorted out soon enough. Once I have 50/50 with my kids the phone stuff isn't nearly as critical.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
If I do not hear back from her after this weekend then I will send a message to her telling her I would like to hear back with her thoughts on 50/50 by the end of next week.
If she responds saying she won't agree I get the lawyer going.
If she says she needs more time then I will ask that it not be longer than the end of next week for her to give me an answer.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
All of these points will go into your parenting plan, Scorp. As for telling your wife what is happening, as long as you are reasonable with your decisions and are consistent in your actions she will grow to respect you even if she doesn't like you.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
I've thought of a lot of things I'd like to do (take my kids back to my province, take my car back from my W, tell my in-laws in no uncertain terms that they are not involved in our situation and do not have a say in how our children are raised etc etc). None of them have anything to do with being strong. They would make me feel better but wouldn't do anything to improve the situation with my family.
If I took my kids back home with me it would only serve to have them torn between my W and I as she would immediately get a court order and have them returned to her province. I should have done that when she took them, I didn't. I was doing what I thought I needed to save my M at the time. I was a big time controlling a** in our marriage so the last thing I wanted to do at the time was to come off as still being a controlling jerk. Gotta love hindsight.
Don't let your past, define your future...
Originally Posted By: Scorp7
I gotta say though, do you guys really believe that if I just TELL my W to do what I want she will listen just because I'm being a "strong" man?
Isn't this exactly what she did to you ???
Doesn't make it right or wrong, it just is, what it is...
However....
She is like a playground bully with you...
She doesn't "own" the kids, she is only 50% of the creation/equation with them....
You have to find YOUR balance with this, and I am not too sure that being passive is working....
Your words say that you want 50/50, your actions are saying that you want zero....because you are allowing your spouse to make 100% of the decisions regarding YOUR children....
Stand up and state what you want...
Cause just like the playground bully...
Once you stand up to them, they typically back off a bit...
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
I gotta say though, do you guys really believe that if I just TELL my W to do what I want she will listen just because I'm being a "strong" man?
Let me try one more time because you're missing a very subtle but extremely important point.
You're not telling HER what to do. That would be wrong. You should be communicating YOUR boundaries to her and what YOU will do if those boundaries aren't honored. You have rights as a father.
Yeah, you ask for things, she says no, you do nothing. Rinse, repeat.
She makes one comment that she's "thinking" about 50/50 and you back off. Meanwhile, nothing changes.
Sorry, that's just the way I see things.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
He'd much rather be the OM instead of honest, goodness to God husband. 
(oh man, man...the stories...we have been estranged over periods when he was into his As. What can I say? He got a pretty headstrong person for a daughter) 
