Im staying fairly busy, but I think about WAW alot. I still have alot of guilt that I'm dealing with, and still feel the majority of this D is my fault. I still have SOOOOO much hope that we could make this relationship work. I want to write her a letter and tell her that I miss her, how I still love her, and how I would love to try and start something new with her. I know I shouldn't but my heart is telling me to SAY SOMETHING, LET HER KNOW HOW YOU FEEL! It doesn't feel like Im fighting for her. It feels Im just letting her go. Does she want me to fight for her? ______________
Im really looking at myself, and how I can change my past ways of being an A$$. Im recognizing signs of frustration as they arise and ask myself why Im feeling like this. I've been taking personal time-outs, breathing and thinking about what I say or how I respond in stressful situations. Im doing this everywhere I go and with everyone I interact with. I been seeing a IC who has been helping me with these things and with life in general. _______________
Last week with the boys went good, as they kept me busy and I focused hard on being patient, listening, and empathetic with them. This week has been a little rough without the boys. The house is SOOOOO quiet. The first day without the boys (last Saturday) I didn't even get out of bed until noon. I didn't even leave the house until 3. It was a bad day for me, and I was deeply depressed most of the day.
Later Saturday evening I went to see WAW's apartment and spent some time with the boys. It was very difficult and emotional for me. I held it together, and stayed strong while I was there, but seeing WAW in her OWN apartment was "rough" to say the least. After I left her apartment I starting bawling. Luckily my best friend called as I was leaving invited me over. I hung out at his house and had a good chat for the rest of the night.
You know, it seem's that I talk to WAW more, since she's moved out, than when were living together. Mind you, its mainly about the boys, but we talk/text alot more than we did.
Lastly, My S10 has started a nervous twitch with his neck since going to WAW apartment last Friday, and we are both concerned. We're not sure what to do, but are not calling attention it. We ask how he's feeling, or just go give him a hug. I dont think he even realizes he's doing it.
"Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard..."
Me: 39 W: 33 M: 9 years T: 10 years S7 S10 BD 10/19/13 W Filed 11/25/13 EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA) WAW moved out 3/15/14
