She left - 2

[gogofo]

Last night I got clarification from the W. We sent text messages back and forth and here is a basic run down of the events.

The W was upset and confused that I gave the girls birthday cards. She thinks I did not like them and feels I was doing it just to mess with her.

I told her that I had been doing a lot of thinking and love them and miss them. I have had time to think about things lately.

W then said the fact that I am nice and considerate now after being a d!ck for so many years makes her furious. She said that I just would have had to give an inch and she would not have left, and now I am going miles.

I respond that I understand how she would be angry and it would be hard to like someone who is selfish. I have been working on myself and did not like who I was and needed to take an honest look at myself. I had not liked myself in quite a while.

Wife then said that I don't like her either so she can't understand any of this. So I asked her to clarify and she sent back a list of things like not liking her music, clothes, friends, hair cut, etc. and "until recently, her family".

I respond that I can see how she would feel that way and how she would feel that I did not like her, but that is not how I felt. I then decided to get flat out honest and direct (honest and direct talk has been a 180 for me) and said that I still really like you I just did not know how to properly express it before.

The last thing she said was that she does not believe me or trust me.

I simply responded that I understand your trust is broken and you don't believe me. I just left it at that.

This was a very honest talk from her and I responded with honesty. There were things she said that I do not agree with, but did not feel the need to argue or try to prove my point. I just did not address the things I felt she was incorrect about.

It seems she has changed her perception of me to convince herself to leave. I did do things (give and inch) before she left. One thing that goes against her perception of me now is that I took a day off of work to watch our 3 nieces and my two boys so the W and SIL could spend a whole day together for her birthday. I was at home for 12 plus hours with 5 kids and told them to do what they want, no curfew or anything. In her mind this must not have constituted giving an inch. Looking back by this time I think there probably wasn't much I could have done to change her mind.

Hell, the BIL, SIL, and nieces moved in with us a year before our separation because the SIL was sick and needed health care and help around the house. I guess this may have been overlooked as I more than happy to have them with us. I cooked for everyone, cleaned, etc. Even was washing and bathing all the nieces and our kids, alone, when the W and BIL were working late. She may have forgot the 6 weeks they lived with us though...

She seems to have picked through our M and R, blown up issues, and painted me to be something I was not. She is not remembering any of the good times we had. Maybe it is to make it easier to leave me.

Don't know if I should have been as honest as I was, but nothing I said to her was a lie. I fully understand that if that is who she felt I was, those feelings she had are real and she really felt that way. I am not trying to manipulate her actions in any way. I feel her anger may be because her perception of me does not match who I am.