Thanks for making me a fighter...

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks, Beatrice, but I have a hard time thinking H is just lashing out because of what he has lost. I can't see that right now. I just see him as someone who hates me and wants to win at any cost.

Right now I don't have compassion for H. I see what he is trying to do to me and what he IS doing to our kids and it makes me angry. I try to acknowledge the anger and feel it and move on. I do NOT want to be one of those people who are bitter and vindictive. H will not hold me back in that regard. But I would be lying if I said it was easy.

And yes, I still backtrack to moments where I envision H and OW happy as clams and "so in love" and I feel sad. I fight myself and tell myself not to go there because it is all contrived in my head and I don't know reality. I get angry with myself that after two years I still venture down that path.

H is desperate and grasping at straws. And what kills me most is that when all of this is said and done, H will want to be my friend and pretend nothing ever happened. That is just part of H's crazy.

I need to get back into counseling before I jump back on the crazy train.

WH

[AJM]

Whatever you do, WH, don't let your H know you know about things. Assume he does, but don't say anything or let him bait you into it. If I was your L, I would let the flagrant disregard build up until I had so much overwhelming evidence of your H's nuttiness and disregard for the courts, that the courts look for a reason to stick him with everything they can possible stick him with. I think that's where he's headed. Don't be impatient or attempt to protect or get even with him. Firm boundaries. Like you would with any 2 year old...

As for your son. It may be worth it to find another counselor and see if your son is willing to talk to somebody new. I suspect he is willing to try somebody if you ask him.

AJ

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks AJ. I don't plan on saying anything to H about anything. He is currently telling me that I need to pay more toward daycare. I think I am caught up. I asked him to show me a statement because I believed I was up to date. Nothing. So I will just contact daycare myself.

So H owes me money from three bonuses, the taxes and the property tax overpayment. Will I ever see any of it? I'm not holding my breath.

S says he doesn't want to start over with a new counselor if his counselor isn't available. So for the interim I have asked S's soccer coach to talk to him just for a neutral third party. It's better than nothing. Tomorrow I will call and see if the counselor is coming back or what her prognosis is.

I had to pick up D from school early. Her tummy was hurting. I got her home and got her some sprite and she said she felt better. Sometimes all they need is some TLC.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

Well D just told me that OW told her when OW and H get married, D will be in the wedding as the flower girl. Ouch. She said OW will be my mom. I corrected her "step mom". She said but you're my real mommy. I said if Daddy and OW get married you know mommy and daddy won't be married anymore. She said why? I said that's just the way it is honey.

I knew this was coming. Why does it still sting?

WH

[kml]

I knew this was coming. Why does it still sting?

Ummmm....yeah.....why DOES it sting? You certainly don't want his sorry A$$ anymore. And as galling as it must be to contemplate him marrying the OW, doesn't it also kind of tickle you a little - to know he's creating his own punishment here on earth?

I mean - would you honestly feel any better about it if he dumped her and took up with some hot woman stockbroker???

As for the bill stuff - make sure YOU pay YOUR share directly to whomever, and keep a receipt. That way you'll also have your cancelled check or credit card statements as well. Keep a file with all those things. Once a month you can email an accounting to your ex, including everything extra you've paid for the kids; he can then email it back, amended for the extras he's paid for. That's how my ex and I handled it. One of us would then pay the other whatever overages were owed.

Your ex is not so smart and needs to see it spelled out in black and white. Sorry but you'll have to be the one to do the accounting.

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks KML. I am doing exactly what you suggest.

I think it's more the idea of my kid's calling her "mom". And the idea of her replacing me in my kids' mind. I don't think that would happen. D told me that "I am her real mom".

Just trying to breathe and not get on the crazy train.

WH

[kml]

In all my years here, I have NEVER seen a kid substitute the new step-parent for their original parent - so don't waste energy worrying about that. Not gonna happen.

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks I am feeling better. My kids are my sensitive spot. Both OW and H know that. I think this is a strategy for breaking me down emotionally. Two friends have already told me that.

Jacka$$es

WH

[Wonka]

WH,

For what's worth, I've seen IRL marriages with OW/OM fall apart spectacularly within few years. All because their relationship was built on a house of lies. I wouldn't put too much Vegas chips, nor even the fake ones for that matter, on H and OW's marriage.

Focus on you and your connection with the kids. It'll matter VERY much down the road in short years. And I wonder what S thought of the 'news'...probably threw up in the back of the house if H did ask him to be his best man.

There will be always that primordial connection between the child and the birth mother that will always remain there until death. No worries there. I mean...why give the OW some head space if she's a real piece of work, right?

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks Wonka. I have a feeling H was not part of this discussion. I asked D who told her and she said OW. I said did daddy say that too? She said no, daddy wasn't there.

But you are right. This can't last. And it's not heaven now so it surely won't be heaven down the road. The more I think about it the more I think OW knew that D would tell me about this and it was all part of her plan to rub it in. Like sending home cupcakes with my kids.

Not giving her the satisfaction. Not. Doing. It. My dander is up now. This has just firmed my resolve, not weakened it.

WH