//Why do I still love her, why can't I shut it off!//
Because it takes time for these feelings to go away. The death of your marriage will require you to go through a grieving process. It takes time. If someone's wife died, only a fool would tell him the next day to "just get past it and start living your life."
There are people on these boards who act like this is a simple decision you can make. It is not. What you can do, however, is accept the reality of your situation and start moving forward REGARDLESS of how you feel. The feelings will lag the action.
I think the decision to talk to your friend depends on the motivation. If the intent is to expose the affair as some kind of leverage to win back your wife, to shame her, or to spite her, then I would say absolutely not.
If counsel from your friend helps you move forward, or gives you peace then I would say to have the conversation. Just keep in mind, that the more people who know about the affair, the harder it will be for your wife to reconcile.
Personally, now that I am divorced, I am glad that the truth of our failed marriage is known. It helped protect my reputation and helped to keep the relationships that I had with my relatives strong. I also think it will make it harder for my W to re-write history as my kids get older.
Again, exposure makes reconciliation almost impossible. Since you clearly desire this, you may want to consider keeping these things private.
