Please, please be careful w/your heart. You are still very vulnerable and it's best to take things slowly to ensure that you have not only done the work to heal yourself, but also ensure that as you move forward you've learned how to love and respect yourself.
Yes, I see more snow and rain in the forecast for tomorrow. I'll be so happy when the weather stabilizes and warms up just a wee bit.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I had a conversation about this with my friend. I am aware of the chemicals and hormones coursing through my body. I also am trying to allow myself to just let go. Accept what is now, and not have any expectations.
Believe me, respect for myself is not anything about which to worry. I've always had self respect and dignity. I love me, and always have. I may at times not like something , but have always loved who I am and strived to be even better. My children taught me this.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
I just wish I knew what it is. Dating as an adult is SOOO different.
Yes it is very scary...I question , I analyze, and I try to communicate.
Yesterday after being dropped off, he texts me within two hours...
" Made it back. Going into work now. Miss you already. Kiss."
Yesterday I got
" Where are you baby? Why are you not in my arms when I wake up? I miss you. Certain parts of me miss you extra! Kiss. "
He rearranged the whole past weekend for me, even worked out seeing his parent's at another time! He is demonstrative, always affirming, and goes out of his way to treat those around him with respect and appreciation! It is heady, and I am trying to just enjoy. I am finding I have triggers. YUP!
I bet you all probably know them too! T R U S T ! I know he is feeling limmerance, as well as I. I know hormones and chemicals are coursing. I also know that the emotion of happiness is with us both when we are together. He has started humming, when walking together or doing little things. He didn't do that before! Ha! And yes by God the sex in unbelievable!!!
We also have so much in common: Military parents, close in age, politics, religion/spirituality, outlook on our past marriage and how we treat and speak of them, children, music, attitude, it is almost creepy... I've never had so much in common with a man! Ha!
So I am going to try and just be... not get ahead of myself and allow the gift to contribute to my inner joy. I am frightened, I ache when I don't get to see him. I am very vulnerable, yet so pleased. I am also again, ambivalent
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Okay using Db-ing GAL to get through a weekend without JTM. He gave me a whole weekend so this weekend was without him... UGH! So I kept busy... Dance Friday night Blues dance lessons Saturday Went to Eaglemania Concert last night...Awesonme Today slept in and relaxed. Now I'm going to a movie and then workout.
He has texted today..." Hope you are snug and safe. The weather is horrible here in A. Kiss! ".
He has texted everyday since last weekend... YAY! And he did have to see me on Thursday... yet I'm still aching for when I see him again. Uuugh, life is not easy, nor are any relationships. HA!
This is just a bittersweet time. The sweet is obvious, the bitter is time apart. I want to get into his skin, and in his mind. I long for an afternoon of just cuddling, laziness, reading together. I yearn for a lazy day of comfort and rapture. I don't want much now do I ? Hahahaha!
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
I was never one to entwine myself. My problem's were more around independence! Ha!
I will not give up my dance nor anything else, friends, interests. I'm also dating others as well. He is the only one with whom I'm intimate. It will stay that way, for I am not one who shares with more than one at a time. On the other hand , I also don't put all eggs in just one basket either. Learned that MANY years ago...
He does enhance my life, I'd just like a teensy bit more enhancement! HA!
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
I just had THE most awesome conversation with my daughter! We covered EVERYTHING!
She shared with me her lunch with my H. her father. She was so proud of herself! She called him out on everything, even the infamous receipt ! And by the by... she said she found it. Yes the receipt I got told I was mind reading over!
I was SO validated...I was right, and it was for "Julie". He was so flabbergasted and speechless, that he tried to lie, and she busted him again. Hahaha! I didn't have to say or do a thing! She also told him that she would never accept this woman or anyone else. Ya think she has a bit of my sass?
I'm proud that she got off her chest what she needed, for she has been stewing out of anger and fear. Not anymore! There was an interesting thing he told her..." I don't want you to worry about paying for your school or your mother. I will always take care of her and your school, even if I have to eat ramen everyday. ".
I'm not sure how to even absorb THAT one. I'm just letting it roll for now.
We talked about her "cupid" meet up, and she also met a thirty one year old guy, that she was taken aback by. It is her roommate's boyfriend's friend. I told her she should open herself up to guys in the 30-33 year range. She was always skeptical of much older guys, which when younger she should have been! But she is almost 22 and is wise beyond her peer group, and way more focused and mature to date them.
We talked about sex! YAY! I asked her if she had explored herself and was comfortable with it. YEEEEES! She has had an orgasm!!!! She is still a virgin and I just want to make sure she knows her body. I don't want either of my daughters going as long as I have , or to feel so uncomfortable that they can't share such a beautiful and natural part of love.
We talked about her major, her classes, the doctorate she's going to consider! All is AWESOME! God I feel so blessed to be able to have her in my life. I want to cry I'm SO HAPPY!
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
I'm glad you had a nice conversation w/your daughter. I'm sure her father was quite surprised to know that she's very much aware of what he's been up to. As for eating ramen, I seriously doubt it. He wanted to play the martyr for her. I'm sure he's eating quite well and enjoying his life right now...but it will begin to tumble down once the euphoria has run its course.
Ambivalent, it's time to start a new thread.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
