WH about the money. I have been having some weird dreams lately about my xh - nice ones actually, which is strange. Anyway without boring everyone rigid with a blow by blow account of these dreams, they have led me to wonder if some/much of this huffing and puffing about money - all the fighting about money is actually our crazy spouses realising at some level what they have truly lost, and not being able to face it, so they pour their anger and energy and aggression into something that seems real to them - money.
Some people would say does it matter? and on some level they are right, but Ihave also come to realise that the MLC journey, the loss of our nuclear family and our spouse leads us to a re-patterning of our own lives, and a gradual re-appraisal of how we have lived, really lived. This process is still on-going with me. It is a slow and deep process, and it cannot be rushed.
We want the pain to be over, but as you and I both know, you can't go round it - the only way is through. Curiously over the past few weeks I have more and more compassion and less and less even residual anger for my xh. I see him as really really suffering. All this anger, huge anger directed at me is projection.
For a long time I was owned by my past, but now I feel as if I own it, and it is liberating. I believe that until our spouses can own their past, they are driven by what they have done to us and to their kids.
The kind of connection that takes place in a real marriage cannot be ripped apart without some serious pain on both sides. We felt it immediately, with them it comes on gradually. And the more they have lost the angrier they are.
Your h cannot handle his kids - he is with an OW whose kids sound out of control - oh my, who does he blame? Why you of course and that pesky lawyer of yours.
