Need help saving my family - part 8

[Drew]

I wasn't talking about your lawyer.

I was talking about you.

[Scorp7]

That would mean rocking the boat which may or may not be a good idea right now given that she is considering the 50/50 proposal.

Not sure how much else I can do right now anyway. I'd mentioned earlier in this thread about keeping the kids for an extra day or so this coming weekend and possibly bringing them home as well.

With the phone issue I could say something to my W about it for sure, not sure what else I could do.

[Scorp7]

I'm planning on giving my D6 (she's going to be 7 right away) a cell phone to keep with her. She is very good on them so with some supervision it would make communicating with her and my other two kids much easier. Provided my W plays along.

[Wonka]

Scorp,

How long do you plan to "give" W to respond to your suggestion of 50/50 custody? Does she know a hard deadline?

Sheeesh, MIL sounds like Nurse Ratched to me! Controlling to the gills...oh my!

[Barrybran]

Go with Mach's idea for now and document everything. All of these things will form the parenting plan you are working on. Some key things to add to your parenting plan:

- Your MIL will not be involved in any way with your interaction with your kids. Scheduling visits, pick ups/drop offs, phone calls, etc. Everything goes through your wife and your wife only. And the kicker, she is to provide a way for you to be able to contact her directly. This is non-negotiable;

- Your wife tells you what the kids' routine is when she's at your place. I sympathise with your wife from the sense that I like a routine in my house and it upsets me when someone interferes with it. In saying that, if you know their routine you'll find several options throughout the day to contact your kids. If you call when you know it's dinner time or bath time without arranging it prior, and you know this is how your wife is going to work, then you're being inconsiderate;

- Discuss all contact options with your wife. If my wife tried to give my kids a phone, I'd take it off them not because I don't want my kids talking to certain people but because they're too young for a phone.

If you document everything, you'll get a picture of how things are working. Your wife and MIL do not get to dictate terms to you but they may have reasons for doing some of the things they're doing. You've chosen the non-lawyer route so if your wife plays your game, you'll be able to say "hey wife, I've noticed this going on, can you share with me why that is happening". If she does, great, you're working together. If not, it's just another thing to add to the list for the lawyer.

[Scorp7]

Scorp,

How long do you plan to "give" W to respond to your suggestion of 50/50 custody? Does she know a hard deadline?

Sheeesh, MIL sounds like Nurse Ratched to me! Controlling to the gills...oh my!

I'm going to wait at least until the end of next week. I'm pretty sure she will come to me with a response of some sort sometime by then. She wants money and she knows I won't do anything with the financial matters until we agree on a parenting plan. Now, whether she will respond saying she agrees to 50/50 or not is another story.

[Scorp7]

Barry, good points, thanks. I agree that a schedule is a good idea but I've always felt that having a bit of flexibility is healthier for kids, especially mine. I do know their schedules but it seems my MIL and W want to be in the drivers seat and will only "allow" me to call when they decide it's ok. That is going to have to change and I think it will given time.

[melissag]

I agree with Barry about the phone. In the early days of our S, my H told my D he might give her a phone (we had previously agreed NO WAY until she is much older). I asked my DB coach whether I should let it go or bring it up and she said, nope, say nothing - if he gets her one, that's his deal. You don't have to let her use it when she is with you. So that is my plan, should that ever happen.

It sounds like, as part of your parenting time arrangement, you need to have a set time each night to speak with the kids when they are with W, and when your W can speak with them when they are with you. Since she isn't being very flexible at the moment, make it very specific - 7:20-7:45 or whatever it is that works.

I hope that your W responds in a reasonable time and agreeing to a reasonable arrangement.

[Scorp7]

Mel, the idea behind the cell phone is that it could be used by my kids so that I can communicate with them directly without having to phone my W's parent's home phone. It would also allow my W to call my kids on it when they are with me without having to call my cell phone or home phone.

My D6 has also been texting my W and my MIL when they are home with WhatsApp and she has fun with that. I have no doubt my messages with my D would be monitored by my W and my MIL but that's fine. I just want to have a way to communicate with my kids more often.

I certainly am praying my W will agree to 50/50. If she won't I can't believe she wouldn't understand that I will fight for them. If she will at least agree to 50/50 then we can sort everything else out and move on if that's what she wants to do.

[Mach1]

I just want to have a way to communicate with my kids more often.

You DO have a way, you just don't want to use it....

And I don't care what country you are in, if your MIL is keeping YOUR kids from you, and preventing contact with them...

It is illegal....

Are you documenting every time you call and get cut off ???

And who does it ???