melissa, continued part 2

[melissag]

M,

Checking in on you, honey. How have you been lately?

Hi Wonka, thanks for checking in on me!

I have been sooooooo ridiculously busy lately. With the kids of course - that's the good part. And then all the crap I have to do for the D. Producing all sorts of documents, all the financial info, ugggghhh. Trying to find a C for my kiddos, trying to research PREs in case it gets to that, trying to find a C for me and H to go to. Exercise and GAL and TKD on top of all that, and I have zero time to declutter my closets which has been on my to-do list for months now.

I'm kind of disappointed by the way my H is acting lately - I finally figured out the not so mysterious reason that he sends me cordial texts and then acts like a jerk to my face. Duh, M. He's not stupid - everything in writing is cordial. I don't know if he just despises me so much that he can't bring himself to look at me, or if he is trying to punish me by being a jerk (and does it really matter?), but surely my kids notice - it has happened every time we have seen each other for several weeks now. I just act polite and smile and let him wallow in his own misery. A friend of mine just got promoted in TKD so she is now in my class, which makes it more fun for me. I am also chatting more with another woman I train with, so that has been fun. It also means I get paired up with my H less frequently which is a relief.

I forget whether I posted this update here, but I realized several weeks ago that the text-fest with the married woman from H's gym (remember the 2000 texts in 5 weeks?) ended somewhat abruptly just after I filed, and right around when H started acting like a real jerk. He no longer seems like the happiest he has ever been in his life. Doubtful that it's a coincidence. I am getting the feeling that my R with my H is going to be the best when he is dating someone. Then his self esteem is getting propped up elsewhere and he doesn't have to look to me to blame for his unhappiness.

Also I got his financial statement and it is full of BS - basically trying to deflate his income and inflate his expenses I guess so he can pay me less. Some of it is shady (using his 2012 income which is a full six figures less than 2013) and some of it is just straight up lies - like he spends $500/month on clothes and shoes for the kids. He has bought them clothes precisely one time in the past decade. Ugh.

So I guess he is going to be a weasel and play games with all of this. It makes me so ill. On the plus side, it is helping me to detach more.

I have been working on getting my RE broker's license and law license reinstated and getting caught up with what's new in the field. I am not actively looking for a job but I am getting a tiny bit excited at the thought of finding something that I enjoy doing and making some of my own money. Ideally, I want to do something real estate related that enables me to work PT on a very flexible schedule so I can be there for my kids. I hope that's not too greedy and I can actually make it happen.

I am also looking into refinancing the house. I looked around a bit at rents and they are just crazy high right now - if I get a chunk in the D settlement that I can put into the house and refi, I will probably be paying less than I would to rent a smaller/older house in my neighborhood. I need to see how the numbers stack up . . . I would really like to stay here to minimize the disruption to my kids, but I don't want to be house poor to do it.

It feels kind of good to be moving forward with things, even though they are things I didn't necessarily want to do and certainly didn't plan on. Now if we could only put some sort of parenting plan in place, even temporarily, so I can plan more than three days in advance . . . .

I am trying really hard to get my kids into C - my D9 doesn't say much and claims to feel really fine with how things are, so that kind of scares me. And my S7 is very clingy and his teachers say he has been clingy and preoccupied at school.

I am looking forward to our beach trip - it will be really nice just to enjoy the kids and relax. I am hoping that there is nothing D-related that needs to be addressed right away (after our first court appearance on Weds.), because I would really like to tell my L and my H that I plan to enjoy my time with the kids and take a break from D stuff while we are out of town.

Baseball is coming (YAY!), the days are getting longer (YAY again), the weather is getting warmer. My new car should be here right when the weather gets really nice, and I am looking forward to that. I am beginning to feel better about my future, and even excited about some things, even though they don't include my H.

So that's my update!