Take these broken wings and learn to fly...

[chasingpavements]

[quote]On Valentines day, AGAIN, this year, he told me he didn't want to work on things anymore and he moved out.

Yep, I am starting to hate Valentine's Day! Well, with him anyhow!

1) LET GO OR BE DRAGGED! A lot of the physical stuff you are experiencing now will go away once you ACCEPT that this is happening and start to look forward. My hair was falling out in fistfuls until I decided my ex was NOT worth losing my hair over. Once I actually accepted that we WERE getting divorced, and he'd been out of the house for a couple of months, I started to notice how NICE it was, not walking on eggshells around him all the time, trying to fix his unhappiness. Look for the silver linings in these clouds - I guarantee you, there are some.

I agree! That is my plan, to let go, move forward. I do actually feel a bit better, more at ease now that he is out of the house. I was walking on eggshells around him when he was here, because he was so moody and I never knew how he was going to react. He was starting to bring me down a bit, by constantly nit-picking at me, or finding faults with how I do things, and just generally wasn't very supportive of me and my goals and ideas. Now that he's gone I am actually happy that I have the house organized the way I like, and I am enjoying having some freedom and independance!

2) Pick something big outside your marriage/divorce to focus on. Dream big! Set a goal and go for it.

I am a soccer player but I haven't had any ambition or energy to play, I just am not motivated. I would like to start up again. I am hoping I find more energy to start doing more things again soon. In the spring I would like to start gardening in my big shade garden in the back yard, a passion of mine. I love to just putz around in the back yard doing yardwork. I also enjoy jogging, and will start up again when the weather warms up a bit. I am looking forward to nice warm spring weather!! Hopefully that will improve my mood.

3) Your MLCer is hoping for the "zipless divorce" - no effort required on his part, you will give him everything and just go merrily on your way. They can get nasty when the rude reality of divorce intrudes on this fantasy.

. I am finding that dealing with him over the tiniest of issues has somehow now become a huge annoyance. And little things are popping up here and there that are just driving me crazy! I was asking him to transfer over the hydro bill to my name instead of under his name, and he has to do it since he is the account holder. He is giving me a hard time about it and telling me that he will do it on his 'own time'. It drives me crazy, and it is so selfish of him, especially since he knows that I can't do it on my own, it is HIM that has to do it. He is certainly making things difficult for me. You would think he would have more compassion after what he has put me through! :P

5) Get good financial advice. Some of the decisions you are making now financially will have long-term consequences.

I have consulted with a lawyer. I have been going back and forth wondering whether I should do mediation with H (which is what he wants), or whether to get a personal lawyer. Today I was considering doing mediation with H. Until I had the conversation with him about changing over the bill and he gave me a hard time about it. If he is giving me a hassle over the tiny things now, I am worried that he will be a big PAIN to deal with in mediation!!! I am also worry that he will bully me during mediation into doing what HE wants, since he was usually the decision maker in our relationship, and he has a way of convincing me that he is right. He also knows more about investments and he uses that point in arguments to prove his case.

7) There is life after divorce! I found that even as a middle-aged woman, many (handsome, younger) men found me very attractive! In fact, every single man I dated couldn't figure out why on earth my husband would have left me! I am now dating an extremely handsome, kind, loving man 7 years my junior who treats me like gold.

Yay! I can't wait for this part. I am actually excited about moving forward, and starting to date. I don't think that he treated me all the greatest throughout our relationship, and I feel like I deserve better. Is it too soon for me to date? Lol. Probably, but still fun to think about.

Thanks kml!!

-CP