She left - 2

[gogofo]

The W just called and asked if there was "something we needed to talk about"? I had no idea what she was getting at so I asked her why? Her reply was "the drop in visits to her family".

On Sunday I went and bought two birthday cards for my nieces because one has a birthday on the 25th and the other on the 1st. I know it would be awkward if I showed up at the party, if they have one, so I drove to my sister in laws house and dropped off the cards. They were all sleeping so I left them on the counter and drove home.

This apparently his angered the wife. She was asking why I did it since in her words "I never cared to get them anything for their birthday before". I simply replied that we used to do the gift together and I knew that we weren't doing it together so I got them a card.

The actions I am showing with her family by still staying involved with them is really making her mad. I think it is because she convinced herself that I did not like her family and she thinks that I am doing this to manipulate her. Seems to be a big sore spot with her. She was upset in February when I delivered some sausages to her family and hung out.

I know she is mad because in the past I had made it seem like it was nothing but a big inconvenience to visit her family and that I was miserable when doing so. In the past there were times when visiting that I did not enjoy, but in the last year or two we had enjoyable times at their house. She has revised her history to not remember these times, and the time she does remember it was good because I "actually tried" which she in turn makes a negative out of a positive. Now that I am doing things like this on my own it must really be hitting her where she hurts.

I did not even tell her about the cards, the SIL must have let her know. I didn't even care if she knew I gave them a gift or not, it was something I wanted to do.

I don't know if she thinks that since she separated that I am supposed to walk away from her family. FYI - she has stopped all contact with my family since the first week.

A 180 for me was to incorporate more time with family, and I consider the in-laws family still.

Don't know if her being upset by this is good, bad or does not matter. Hope that my contact with the in-laws is not in violation with BDing and causing more harm. I don't want to take any steps backwards.

I know 37 rules say do not get family members to help out and I don't. We do not talk about the W or our M or the separation. We just catch up on each others lives.