About your house...maybe the fact that he's not been over there and done any DIY jobs on it could be reason enough that people aren't interested. A little paint, cleaning up the yard and ensuring that things are in their proper places goes a long way. Then again, it could be the area that the house is in and the asking price may be a bit steep, if it's not been kept up.
Or, he could be writing off some of the interest on his taxes. There could be any number of reasons the house hasn't sold. I wouldn't read too much into whether this is the end or not because the economy is slowly coming back up.
Well, as far as the account...he could very well sign both names or have his current wife sign for you, i.e., which is fraud and forgery. Where there's a will, there's a way and I'm sure he'll do something about it in short order if there is money in the account.
As for texting you by mistake...this happens even w/normal people, again, nothing to read into here.
I would just put all of this stuff on the back burner. It's nothing to sit around thinking about...except the sale of the vacant house.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
well, I had to contact him today about the house. He sent me a text complaining about how much every thing is costing him.
What I really wanted to say was...
"you should have thought about all this before you walked away and made promises you couldn't keep..."
but I refrained from doing so on this occasion. He was very sharp when he called me (a phone call in reply to a text, resulting in a voice mail message and a second call back) however I was calm and civil and he became somewhat pleasanter. Even got a take care when we finished the call.
Selling houses in the US I believe is somewhat different to the UK. And we are selling in an area that is no where near economic recovery and prices are not improving. There are properties near us that have been on the market 2/3 times longer than ours one has just sold that was on the market when we bought ours 6 years ago - it has been empty and unsold all that time.
Ab Fab, I know what you are talking about when you describe all these weird things happening. Sometimes you cannot logically explain something you think should be so simple. I’ve had some of these recently. I’m trying to not put any kind of explanation. It is hard, but manageable. As for the text, I think he probably was thinking about you and then didn’t switch his mind to his “real” life.
I find it a bit odd that he is still paying the bills and still using a joint account. I’m curious what his wife has to say about all of it. If he is hiding it from her, then their relationship is not based on honesty and trust. It will fall apart eventually.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
it is had been a couple of days when odd things have popped up regarding ongoing issues with X. And I am sick and tired of having to live with all of this cr*p just because he wants to walk away and reinvent himself, regardless of the consequences. I really couldn't care less how it is affecting him, that's his problem not mine. What I care about is all the sh*t I have to deal with because of his selfish actions.
I know I will come out of this better off in the end, but that is a long way off right now and it does not stop me being p*ssed off today!
This is all starting to feel like so sort of torture...
I don't want you any more... but I will live here with you and nothing will change I don't want to live here all the time I will come home when I feel like it, but not tell you when that will be Froze the bank account Want to sell the house Just stops coming home Marries!!! But there isn't anyone else! Wants me to pay some of the bills He carries on paying the ones he wanted me to pay, but then I get other bills in the post now addressed to me. House sells I find a new home house sale falls through house sells House sale falls through ( this is an ongoing issue, and I am not sure why sales aren't proceeding) I move - A NEW START! NO. I hear from him more now than ever. Never with anything positive. The lastest e-mail is sent from half of his new identity. His "new" Christian name, but his surname (which I believe he doesn't use any more)
its like handing sweets to a kid then taking them away at the last minute, dangling a carrot in front of a donkey. and I feel like a complete ASS, which he just keeps on kicking..!
This is another of those situations where he needs a response from me.
He texted last night (which I didn't check until this morning)that he needed me to read and respond to an email he had sent. I have read the mail and am considering my response. Today he has texted again twice and I have missed a call from him.
I am not delaying my response just to annoy him. I have to make a decision. However this is making me angry again.
It is all about him. he can ignore me for months but when HE wants something I have to jump instantly because that's what HE wants. Its all ME ME ME.
So along with having to give him an answer part of my reason for the delay is anger. I SO want to give him the full assault of my feelings right now, and I really don't know if its a good idea. Usually I can sleep on this and wake up with a calmer perspective on the situation. That is not happening this time.
Al Fab, take a deep breath and wait with your response. If it takes time for you to calm down, then use this time. I would not advocate for an angry response. Maybe this is what he is trying to do. Maybe he is not happy even though he is not with you and you have nothing to do with it, but he wants you to be the cause, because he cannot find it within him. This is my guess based on what you described about his contacts.
He left you, so you don’t own him anything. Take your time. I completely understand the rollercoaster part. I’ve been thought similar emotions. My sitch is not that dramatic, thank goodness, and even then I feel like a donkey sometimes, LOL.
My H had this name thing last year too, when he named himself differently and he signed his e-mails with this name (it was a modified name of his first name and it sounded weird.) Then it was a period when he just signed initials in one form or another. Now he is back to the normal. I think it was part of the process of trying to find himself.
The good thing is that he is not around you, so you can ignore his e-mails, texts, calls as much as you want to and need to. Just sit back and observe. Obviously he is cycling fast. If you need some popcorn, I can send you some. Do what is good for you. Take care of you.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I posted as a way to try and get some of these feelings out of my system, and figured here was as good a place as any. Friend I left behind when I moved have a better idea of what I went through but figure by moving away I have moved on - so I don't want to talk though these feelings with them. Friends and family here have very little idea of what I went/going through so I don't want to involve them. I used to dump these episodes at the councellor, but I had to stop those sessions when I moved.
It helps to be reminded that there are others who understand what it feels like.
I guess I feel that after 18 months it should be better, some days it is and the good days outweigh the bad. But for some reason that rollercoaster is up and running again.
After a long walk with the dog, in the wind and cold, a couple of stiff drinks and telling the dog how I felt about the X I felt like a deflated balloon.
However I have awoken today with a renewed vigour. I attended an induction meeting for my new job, met a colleague who is a photographer and is willing to give me some tuition, and have booked a session on planning a new, small garden at our local nursery.
I have also dealt with X's texts/e-mails. which now means I probably wont hear from him for months.
I had so much I wanted to say to him, but I resisted. This has made it quite clear to me that he is still in the midst of a crisis. None of his actions have been made with any common sense or logic, and I know that nothing I say will make any difference. So regardless of the financial implications as well as the emotional I have just stood back and let him carry on with his wishes. It feels so wrong, but some how I feel that it is the right thing too. He has to finish what he has started regardless of the outcome, and I just have to deal with it!
