I will admit that I still have penned up anger over the situation mostly because she refuses to sit and tell me what is bothering her and how we can fix it. It is always met with IDK.

I am 35, she is 38. I have sent an email trying to accept a LOT of responsibility but I just never felt like it was something outside repair. She admits that running is what she is good at. I am an engineer so a natural problem solver so I try to look at things maybe too mechanically.

Make no mistake, I love both our boys to death. I will admit that I have a special bond with our youngest for some reason. I wanted kids so I certainly do not regret it. However, in both situations, it was insisted that birth control was all we needed and she does not like condoms. The first one was a case where she took antibiotics which flushes the system. I guess EVERY girl knew this but her. I did not and was young...

I admit that I had some resentment towards our first because I was enjoying my single life when that happened and forced to grow up a bit. BUT, I know God was likely protecting me from my crazy self back in the day!! lol

She has put up with a lot from me. I asked her straight up in an email what the primary issue is with us and she said "mostly financial". I don't make enough money. I am not running up debt or anything but we have not been able to take big vacations and such or if she pays for them, then she hates me.

I am realizing my business ventures are hurting my life and working to correct those mistakes BUT it might be too late for that.

Everything I keep reading is to NOT be a puppy dog in these matters. I am trying to keep my head above water. I don't sleep well. I can't get her off my mind. I even dream about her every night. But who cares?

I noticed that she reviewed my Inet history before she left and found that I was researching "getting your wife back" as well as my visit to CL personals. I think she might think that I just want to run to some other quick fling but that is honestly the last thing I really want to do. I think I drink a few beers and the mind wonders but if it comes down to it, I doubt I could go there right now. Part of me thinks she might be waiting to see if I end up with a hussy at the house every night of the week.