Take Two ...

[Train]

I should also mention, just for background, that I did go see a L (a friend) about 1.5 weeks ago. He told me to "hurry up and wait" and do nothing to tick-off H in the meantime because the amount of support he's paying now is more than the courts would order if I pursue S.

Where I live, we have a mandatory 12-month S before D. H was anxious to help with the paperwork for S/D. But he hasn't mentioned my L visit, or asked about it, since.

He tends to lose his cool if I indicate that OW is probably not finished hearing from me yet. So I've dropped saying anything to him about that completely. I just don't mention her, or the A, at all right now. I just slap on my mascara, my earrings, some figure-enhancing clothes (lol) and a big ol' fat smile. Occasionally, I even chuckle and joke when he's around. Ya know, just having the time of my life ...

Ugh.

I'm trying not to rock the boat while I also detach, GAL and watch for signs of him possibly coming around ... just in case that eventually makes a crap to me; right now, my give-a-crap meter is gettin' kind of low. The only thing I have left for him is love.

Do I work on this M? Do I cut my losses and go? I'm only 36. I've only been out of work for 7.5 years. If I work on the M and H eventually comes around - and IF we'd be willing for the hard work that fixing this mangled mess would entail - what happens if he does it again in 10 years? Then, I'm 46. I will have been out of work for 18 years. The positive side to that scenario is that my little kids would be older, too. My S would be graduated. My D would be a teenager.

I'm wayyyyy projecting and overthinking this now. Clearly.

This is a crappy place to be in.