About 5 months ago, my husband announced he was moving out, a week before our 6th anniversary. Our daughter was almost-three at the time.
Back story: I have struggled with anxiety and mild-to-moderate depression for years. After our daughter was born, I had PPD which was never diagnosed. On top of that, we moved into a new apartment (with a new mortgage) two weeks after our daughter was born (in fact, our closing took place the same day I gave birth). My husband had just started a new job 6 weeks before that. Any one of these major life changes could cause stress in a relationship. We had a perfect storm. So, whatever communication problems we had in our marriage just got worse and worse and worse after our daughter was born. Resentment built up, but was never dealt with, and we became more and more disconnected.
I had asked him several times to start counseling-- he always refused, saying that our problems were not so bad and that I was making too much of every little conflict.
Now he says he just doesn't love me anymore, can't envision us happy together again, and left because he was just so unhappy and worried that our daughter would be affected by the tension and lack of warmth in our home.
I have taken responsibility for my role-- I should have gotten help for my depression and anxiety, but never did, even though he encouraged me to do so. I recognize many of the ways I contributed to our disconnection. I am working on myself- therapy, medication to treat my mental health issues (which is working extremely well), reconnecting with friends and other interests. He is unwilling to work on our relationship and has leased an apartment nearby.
I made SO many mistakes in the last few months-- guilting him, shaming him, screaming at him, trying to logically plead our case, sending him articles, etc. etc. Oops.
I'm trying to figure out what to do now... I'm torn-- I want to give him space so that he can realize that change is possible. But at the same time, he seems so content for us to be cordial, even friendly co-parents. I am so reluctant to let him think that I'm ok with that. I feel so betrayed and angry. And now, I'm even starting to wonder whether it is worth trying to save the marriage. Why should I bother and care if he doesn't? What's so great about him anyway?
Most days I'm so proud of my progress and strength. I appreciate the support of this forum-- I have read many of the postings and found comfort in them.
