apparently w just came home and found out through someone in my family that I had a recording device in our bedroom, She began to flip the bed around etc.. I know this is not DB principal to snoop, but I had to know what was going on exactly.
I told W yes I did do it and her A is not the main focus of this M falling apart, it had to do with my issues and I did snoop so I can save this M. She then continued to call me crazy etc.. for doing this. I said PI do it and she said thats different. Im like what. She said if there is even a glimmer of hope its gone. W also said I'm bad mouthing her to her to my family, I told her, I will not do that and I haven't done that, I even told my sister that My goal is to save this M. I told W that our M is dead and the only thing left is to divorce or rebuild, I believe sheis taking the Divorce. The weird thing is I got her to calm down, I know she is angry but it will pass.
W did tell me I don't know the whole thing reffering to the A and I said I'm her to listen, not judge or get mad. I explained to her I was in her shoes once, I know what it feels like to have pain knotted in your stomach and not know which way to turn. I reassured her that I played a role in this A, that what was going on or missing in our M did contribute to it. She is worried now on what everyone thinks, I told her that I would be there to defend herif anyone says anything. this was not suppose to have gotten out like this, however it did, now I have to deal with it.
You're taking this WAY too far, in my opinion.
You should simply say "I understand you're angry, and may not agree with everything I'm doing, but understand this: EVERYTHING I'm doing is to try to save our marriage, and our family."
And then leave it.
It's not your job to protect your wife from the consequences of her infidelity, just as you have had to live with the consequences of yours. Should she decide to end her affair and return to the MARRIAGE, however, THEN your position should be "I will defend you to anyone who says anything."
This is what I did, and my wife found me to be just as (if not more) strong in my defense of her decision to try to repair our marriage, as I was in my full-out assault on her affair.
Starsky
P.S. The "Now you've REALLY blown any chance you had" thing is #1 on the Wayward Spouse Hit Parade script, you do know that . . . right? Mine said EXACTLY the same thing when she found the VAR in her car (which I replied with "I have no idea how that got there . . . maybe OM put it there, have you ever considered that? -- always fun to use their own paranoia against them )
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