I'M BACKKKKKKKKKKK

[DFE]

So I tried avoiding the talk last night. I sat in the family room while he went upstairs to the bedroom. The one he never wants to be in when we fight. About an hour later I got an email from him asking for a divorce. AGAIN. Of course I came upstairs. He infuriates me when he communicates via email. This is our damned life. Talk to me about it.

I came up and started talking to him. Told him that he needs to learn to talk about issues rather than run from them. It was like I was talking to a brick wall. He kept watching TV and told me he wasn't ready to discuss the divorce and that we would work out the details in the morning. He said you just don't get it. I have told you in every which way but you are like a robot. You just go about life. TRUE but you give me mixed signals.

I let him go last time. He was the one that came back because he thought I was seeing someone else. He wanted to work on things. He asked to move back in. None of that was me. So why? Why did you come back I asked.

I kept talking he kept ignoring. I finally got upset. I told him I would give him his divorce but there would be no more of what we did before. No more coming over and spending time with the kids. No more spending the time when it was convenient. No more.

He asked me to leave him alone and said that we would discuss the details today.

He went downstairs to sleep and I stayed in my room sobbing like a child. he did it to me again. I swore he wouldn't. I then took a Xanax to be able to sleep. Fast forward to 2:30 in the morning. I am passed out and he wakes me up to ask me if I am ok. I said yes barely able to wake up. Next thing I know he get's into bed with me. Slowly he inches his way over and holds me. I was passed out the whole time but could tell.

That's messing with my mind. Messing with me. The man is confused and I am tired of it. He can't handle conflict. Cant handle stress. I don't think in anyway that means he wants to work on things. He still wants the divorce I am sure but what is that all about? Guilt? Just let me be. Leave.

I have tried telling him over and over what an impact this will have on our lives. Our kids. And it will be a HUGE impact on our business. We may lose it. We will both have to start from scratch. I am a shell of a person and want to kick myself for all that i have put up with. To him i look like a doormat. To me i feel he has a psychological issue he doesn't want to face. Nightly pot smoking and drinking tells me he has deamons he is trying to run from. Makes him a whole person he says when he smokes pot.

so the roller coaster goes on.