Now What???

[RealityTrip]

I am 40. I repeat. I am 40. uggggggggggh.

Hi friends. Thanks Ruby, Wonka and Spin for checking in on me and as always, your sound advice and thought provoking insights.

I just spent 2 weeks on vacation, part of it in the Caribbean to celebrate my mid-life milestone. It was great, family, friends, and my W all went with me. W handled it really well, considering it was the first time she had seen most of them since the PA admission at the end of 2012. Wow. Look at that time line in my signature... My W and I have been dealing with "our chit" and our "individual chit" for more than two years now... more like 4 if you count the beginning of the break in our marriage and the start of my W's journey that led her to Walkabout. Pretty amazing I'm still standing. Go me.

Well... I'm 40. I had to change my signature line. Ick. Gotta say... not my favorite age thus far. I'm sure I'll settle into it sooner or later.

W and I have had some talks. I told her I was struggling with not moving forward in our healing, I try to keep in mind what Ruby advised on that. W listened. I think she's getting closer to being able to hear my pain. She downloaded a journaling app for her IPad the other day and has been writing. I'm proud of her. It was her idea and very unlike her so I am pleasantly surprised and hope she gets some clarity in examining her own feelings. Fingers crossed.

I'm ok. I'm overwhelmed with returning to work, 3 college classes and connecting with my W. By the time work and school are done... I'm already at 70hrs a week. Who has time for housework, yard work, eating right, exercising, being romantic, processing feelings or piecing a marriage? LOL!

Did I mention I'm 40? That means I'm TIRED.

Back to my marriage, W and I ML for the first time since she came home while we were in the islands. It was not planned and spontaneous. It was fun and without pressure. The cocktails I'm sure took care of some of the nerves we both had on the issue. We've talked about it since. Both happy that we did and thought it was a good return to one another. Nothing since, other than kissing and touches, but we are both women and lunar timing can be tricky.

We will see where it goes.