Yes it took me 9 years to apoligize to my first W once the A ended, I was fobidden to talk to her and I thought abought her an awful lot, I actually felt I was not worthy of her and I didn't deserve her. I felt like I deserved all my pain I had in me. That A was such a horrible internal battle for me.
I began to drink during the end of that A. I used it to make me numb to all of it. I binged drank. When I met My current W she was just unbelievable, we connected and we were inseperable fora very long time. I did drink off and on during my M. When I drank is when I had some issues. I was a jerk at times. The big issue is how I tried so many different ways to connect with her son and he just wouldn't. I let my W handle all the discipline with him the last year and half. she wanted that.
I always wanted a stronger R with God and yes I'm having one now. I know I didn't have one in the past. My changes are going to be permenent. My W really hasn't treated me all that bad. She is a very kind hearted person. I do know after yesterday me telling her I know about OM, she seem to warm up to me and when I say warm up showing some interest, like asking me questions about church and how do I like it actuall conversation. W even was telling me stories when she was a teenager about some church stuf. W was even curious about the Love Dare Book, she asked if she could lok at it and what it was about. We read day one together and read some other bible stuff, so some positive baby steps. I am in it for the long hall I know its only been a short time and I don't have much time left before this is final. So even if we do Divorce I will continue with my change and DBing, How long I don't know, it may even take us getting D. How long will her A last don't know 9 years, I hope not, but you never know. I do believe he is the reason she filed for divorce, I believe he pressured her.
