tbm4evr ...continued2

[tbm4evr]

I'll make this brief ..lol ...sorry but I hope some will take the time to read my story.

Well this is where things stand. Friday night I told W that she needs to treat me with respect. That way I will do those things for her that make things run smoothly in our home/lives and i expect her to do the same for me. If not I told her she can move out and that I am not. She said you can't make me move out and if D takes till December she's staying. I told her to think about it, I'm not a doormat and good night.

Saturday morning I take son and daughter to son's basketball game and W says shes going to the gym. We get home and W texts me can I get you lunch? That's a first in months! We hang out watching the NCAA tourney all day with small talk - i let her do the talking i listened - friendly cordial conversation. Later in the afternoon she says girlfriend text her to go out and would I drive them to a local sports bar - i said ok. That's the first time she has asked me to help with something like that in months. She has been so detached ...trying to be independent.

Next morning, W sleeping as she got in at 230 am ..i let her sleep and took kids to church and then afterwards took daughter to birthday party and son to his basketball game. After game W texts do we want to meet for lunch? Said ok and we had nice lunch. She then left to pick up our daughter and son and I went home. She came home later and I had to leave to go to a CoDa meeting. She text me on my way home to pick up a couple things and said she's making dinner and we can get kids down and eat when I get home.

Here's the kicker ...what I'm trying to figure out. After dinner, She says we've had an good couple days EXCEPT for Friday night where "I wanted her to pack her bags". I didn't want an argument and just said i explained Friday how it needs to be and no need to carry on with this at end of our weekend. We then digress and she shows me some pics on her phone of friends with her that they took when she was out. Then says oh I'm not supposed to show you personal stuff ..i say huh ..and she says part of how to divorce ..and that we should tell the kids about the D and she needs to look for a house and she doesn't love me or have those feelings anymore and can't get them back? Her mood swings are crazy. Earliest D would be done is August and Friday she said she would stay till December if that's what it took ..so I don't get it ... She had a few moments with a certain smile or look that i know portrayed her old self ..if that makes sense. When I pointed it out I could tell she was trying to purse the smile and fight it..it was quite amusing. That's where we left things ...was getting late and said goodnight to one another and headed to our respective rooms.

W said my behavior towards her (giving her independence not controlling) has been a nice change but she doesn't think it will last. I've been GAL with two clubs I joined, getting back into some old hobbies, making new friends, etc. But what I have described above and how we have both lived the past couple days is not DETACHING. I am curious if W will drop the "wall she has built around her" a couple inches. It's tough living together with our kids who are 9 and 5 ..the way we live seems to go against Sandi's rules ...but can you truly be detached from one another in this sitch or can you strike a balance and still have DB work.

I need to understand and straighten things out looking at the "big picture". I still think she is in EA. I appreciate everyone's thoughts. Thank you.