Other than my frustration with my H on Monday, I've had a pretty good week. I've gotten pulled in on a couple of special projects at work, so I'm so busy there that I don't have a spare moment to really think about my sitch.
On Thursday and Friday, I spent the evening volunteering at D7's school for a big event. This is her first year at this school and it was great to meet so many of the other moms who volunteer there.
Yesterday, I volunteered at the local food bank for the first time. I have been saying I was going to volunteer there for a while and I finally decided I just needed to do it. I found the experience to be really rewarding and will definitely do it again. They allow kids as young as 6 to volunteer and D7 really wants to do it, so I'll bring her with me next time. H overheard D7 and I discussing it and he said that he might want to volunteer with us when I take D7. I guess when I register for my next volunteer shift, I'll just tell him in a matter-of-fact way that D7 and I are volunteering on X date at X time. If he invites himself along, he's welcome to come, but I don't want to pressure him since he just kind of mentioned it in passing.
It was H's weekend with D7, but he asked if I could keep her on Saturday night. I said I could as long as he picked her up after church this morning because I had plans today. He said he would and showed up right on time to get her. I met a friend for lunch and a movie and had a great time catching up with her. For the first time since BD, most of the conversation was about my friend's relationship (all good stuff), work, kids, and mutual friends instead of my sitch. It really wasn't even on my mind until she asked me how things were going.
Four days in a row of GALing has given me a great PMA! I went to H's apartment tonight to tuck D7 in and tell her goodnight and was able to keep my PMA effortlessly. He asked questions about my day and could tell I was in a great mood. When I left, he gave me a hug as usual, but lingered a little longer. I turned my head and gave him a kiss on the cheek and then he did the same. I realize that probably didn't follow DB principles. However, it is one of the things I've been thinking about. My H was a lot more positive about our chances of R just before and for a couple of weeks after he moved out. During that time, we were both pretty affectionate with one another and I was definitely more positive. I started to pull away and stopped being affectionate; I guess that was me trying to protect myself from further hurt. In my sitch, pulling back as much as I had seems to be a cheeseless tunnel, so in the spirit of NOT doing more of the same, I've decided to be more affectionate when it seems natural. About an hour after I left, I got a text from H that said:
Was a great hug by the way.
I just said, "Agreed. :)" After another hour or so, I got a text from H telling me goodnight. So, a slight change on my part resulted in a positive interaction.
I am still struggling quite a bit with wanting a decision. Actually, my sister called me on that and she's right. I only want a decision IF it's to work toward R. I do feel less inclined to pressure my H after all this GALing, so I definitely need to continue with that.
I went to H's apartment tonight to tuck D7 in and tell her goodnight and was able to keep my PMA effortlessly. He asked questions about my day and could tell I was in a great mood. When I left, he gave me a hug as usual, but lingered a little longer. I turned my head and gave him a kiss on the cheek and then he did the same. I realize that probably didn't follow DB principles. However, it is one of the things I've been thinking about. My H was a lot more positive about our chances of R just before and for a couple of weeks after he moved out. During that time, we were both pretty affectionate with one another and I was definitely more positive. I started to pull away and stopped being affectionate; I guess that was me trying to protect myself from further hurt. In my sitch, pulling back as much as I had seems to be a cheeseless tunnel, so in the spirit of NOT doing more of the same, I've decided to be more affectionate when it seems natural. About an hour after I left, I got a text from H that said:
