Well it's probably too late, but I've gotta try

[ye21]

Anyways I am a Christian so I do feel obligated to try and make our marriage work if she is really wants to work on things and is actually repentant.

?? I dont get this part, it sounds religion take it to the extreme...having an unhappy life because you are Christian??

So I'm thinking of giving her some demands:
1. She would have to talk to our pastor about her relationship with God at this point (She obviously has immature views on being ok living in sin this whole time.)

Living in what? sin? Hmmmm so basically you are judging her because she has a different POV or took a decission in her life that also has consecuences for her....so basically lets punish her, because she did something not according to my beliefs....

And the big one
3. She can not have any contact with the OM ever again, which means either of the following
a) he would have to give up all parental rights to the kid or
b) she would have to give up the baby for adoption or
c) she would have to give the kid to him and never see the baby again

YES THIS ONE ITS ACTUALLY HUGE...
You dont only will be "happy" controlling her life, takind also decissions for her, what it will make you more " happy" will be controlling the life of the OM and deciding for him as well as controlling and deciding in the life of that kid...

Really????? Would you be able to sleep at night? I mean did you seriously read those options that you are saying or you were just upset and didnt read them at all???


We would also move of course, or possibly I convince the OM's dad to kick him out (I think this may be doable, and his dad is going to retire to Arizona in a few years anyway). I would still probably move though.

Again, controlling the life of others and even in this case you are considering the possibility of hurting others on your own benefit....
Is your pastor agreeing with those ideas? I dont think he will....but if he does maybe you should go visit IC and start focussing in yourself, because it seems that your hapiness its pretty much based on what others do and having control over the life of others...

There are a few other "pearls" in what you wrote but I dont feel like extending too much, I want to believe that you are hurt and upset and all you wrote down will mean nothing tomorrow...

Please re read everything you wrote down and please read Db and DR books over and over again...