I think she may be sorry, I don't know for sure. That's the thing, she has been lying about this relationship for so long and lying about so much other stuff as well, and manipulating me in other ways that I just don't trust her anymore. I don't know if I'll ever trust her again. I'm not sure how a relationship can work without trust.
On the day she told me she said she hated lying to me all that time, and that she missed how free we used to be telling each other anything. It's like ummmmm not my fault, but ok.
It is funny about the advice to go away, because just next week I'm going on a trip without her or the kids to see my brother for 5 days. It will give me time to think.
Anyways I am a Christian so I do feel obligated to try and make our marriage work if she is really wants to work on things and is actually repentant.
So I'm thinking of giving her some demands: 1. She would have to talk to our pastor about her relationship with God at this point (She obviously has immature views on being ok living in sin this whole time.) 2. We would have to get a lot of counseling, obviously.
And the big one: 3. She can not have any contact with the OM ever again, which means either of the following a) he would have to give up all parental rights to the kid or b) she would have to give up the baby for adoption or c) she would have to give the kid to him and never see the baby again
Basically I'm not going to be living life as a perpetual third wheel. If she doesn't agree, then fine I'm done. Our whole marriage she has viewed me as the safe guy, and I'm done with that. If she wants me she'll have to prove it with a tough choice, especially if the OM wants to be in the kid's life (I kind of doubt this)
You know even if she agreed to all of this I still don't know. How do you ever build trust with somebody after they've wrecked it so badly?
We would also move of course, or possibly I convince the OM's dad to kick him out (I think this may be doable, and his dad is going to retire to Arizona in a few years anyway). I would still probably move though.
