Need help saving my family - part 8

[Scorp7]

Not to confuse you Scorp but I feel that you should see the kids in your wife's town as per the current schedule. I agree with melissag that your wife doesn't have a right to tell you how you can parent the kids and there will be a time for this. I feel that now is not that time. You are trying to come to an agreement with your wife about 50/50 time, she's asked you some questions, you've responded and she's considering her answers. Don't rock the boat now. Keep to the schedule, earn her trust, get the parenting plan in place and then start making your own plans. As I mentioned in your last thread, you've got your lawyer in your back pocket if your wife doesn't play ball but for now, keep your wife happy and get that parenting plan in place!

The hard drive is a terrible idea and thankfully you see it now. If your wife wants those pictures, she'll ask for them. She no doubt has a camera on her phone so she'll be taking her own pictures anyway. By all means, help the kids celebrate your wife's birthday but make sure it is from them and not from you via them. As for how you reccognise her birthday, a simple "happy birthday. I hope you enjoy your day" by text will suffice.

I didn't see you here over the weekend so I hope you had a great one.

I'd been concerned about the timing of potentially rocking the boat. I also was thinking that if I don't stand up for myself and what I think our kids need then I'll still be viewed as a door mat. My kids love being home so it's hard to not bring them home. Besides that, it costs much more to stay in a hotel, eat out etc than it does to bring them home. It's also not a great way for my kids to spend their time being in a hotel rather than at home with somewhat of a regular family life.

My weekend was ok. I went out with a few buds and went to check out my old bass players new band. My friends are all encouraging to get out and start dating again but I'm not there at all.

[Scorp7]

One question...do the kids have Spring break vacation up in Canada? Or some scheduled holidays/days off from school that is happening in the next few days/weeks?

There is a break coming up fairly soon so I would plan to bring them home then for sure so I may back off on the weekend thing for now.

As an alternative for the weekend I'd considered staying in the hotel for an extra night which would allow me to drive my D6 to school Monday morning and then take my D4 to her playschool in the afternoon. It would still keep the kids on their usual schedules but give me more time with them. Not sure if that would be wise right now either since it would still rock the boat a bit.

[Barrybran]

The cost thing is a valid point, Scorp. It's certainly a reason to change things up a bit. Keep in mind though that the kids would be spending eight hours in the car each time they see you. What would your kids rather? Staying in a hotel or eight hours of driving? Are there holiday homes you can rent out for a weekend in your wife's area?

When you have your kids for a few days then your kids being at your home should be a non-negotiable but if it's only a couple of days, go with what works best for your kids followed by what will keep your wife happy while she's considering your proposal. The timing and location will fall into place. You have stood up for your kids by saying you want 50/50. Let your wife respond in her own time and you'll be able to make your next move when she does.

As for the extra night, that shouldn't be an issue with your wife. Just make sure the kids get to school on time or you'll never hear the end of it :p

Also, you may not be ready for dating but why not go out with one of these women and practice your listening skills without the pressure of dating. There's nothing wrong with making new friends.

[Scorp7]

The time in the vehicle isn't great for sure but compared to them spending all their time in a hotel and eating in restaurants to being in their home having home cooked meals the travel time is well worth it. Once it warms up a bit more, provided I keep our RV, I was thinking of pulling it over there and staying in that over the hotel. It's plenty big enough and the kids would likely have fun doing that until I move there.

Not sure I'm up for even hanging out with other women. Even chatting with women this past weekend just served as a painful reminder that none of them are my W.

[Scorp7]

Another thing that has been happening off and on is when I call my kids at night my wife or MIL will cut the call off saying it's time for bed, to get ready for bed etc. My W has instituted a very strict schedule for our kids which was a fairly big change from how we raised them before. We had always kept a schedule but it varied a bit from day to day depending on circumstances. Now all of our kids are in bed by 8pm each night whether they are tired or not.

Anyway, it really isn't very cool that my W will cut the call off when I am in the middle of talking to my kids. Often I am lucky if I talk to them for more than 10 minutes. My D4 doesn't like to talk on the phone that much and my S2 is obviously too young to talk that much although he does sometimes. Basically though I often only get to speak to my kids for no more than 10-20 minutes a day and then, whether I am done talking to them or not, my W or MIL will say it's time for the call to stop.

My W had setup a few Skype video chats earlier this year but that has since stopped now as well.

Is it just me or is she going out of her way to be as nasty as she can? Our kids need both of us equally and since I am reduced to only speaking with them on the phone for most of the time right now I think I should be able to speak to them for as long as they want to talk, provided they still get to bed at a good time.

[Drew]

Call earlier in the evening.

[Scorp7]

I do call earlier but they just cut the call off earlier or don't answer the call at all. My MIL imposed a time for me to call around 7:30 each night. If I called say at 7 they won't answer. I have called at 7:15 to 7:20 most nights and they will answer (my D6 or D4 answer 99% of the time, my W or MIL will never answer the phone) but then the call gets cut off early most of the time.

It seems when my MIL is not around my W will let our kids talk to me for as long as they want, sometimes for 45 minutes or more. She will even encourage the kids to talk to me. If my MIL is around though it's a totally different story.

[Mach1]

Make sure that you document the times that you talk with them, AND the times when you attempt to contact them and cannot get through ( they may be more important than the times that you actually do talk with them).....

[Drew]

Sigh ....

When are you going to start standing up for yourself, Scorp?

[Scorp7]

Drew, the L is pretty well ready to go to server her with papers. My W had said she is considering the 50/50 proposal so I'm giving her a bit of time to do that. If she will agree to 50/50 then I'll take that and go from there. If she stalls too much though then it will be in the hands of the Ls.