She left - 2

[Upwards]

gogofo that all sounds good, at least you've both managed to have a really long talk without any hostility - sounds like that is definite progress & its really good that you allowed her to start the talk and didn't pressure.

I know last time me & H had a talk like this so much was running through my head and in the days that followed I felt like there was so much I hadn't or should have said but I think most of that was just follow on from what we'd discussed.

Maybe she talks as though its permanent as she isnt sure and doesnt want to give you mixed messages but her emotions show the other side of things? I hope whatever happens you continue to move forwards and stay positive as it sounds like you've been doing really well recently.

[Positivespin]

Go-

[Positivespin]

Go- SHE KNOWS YOU FKKING LOVE HER!!!! If you didnt she wouldnt have seen the changes that she has said she noticed.

I was not there but what you write sounds to me that she likes what she is seeing but she doesnt believe the changes will stick....Its game on sir!

I know you didnt say it but you cant "Take the lead in the R until she gets stronger" Your R was so bad in her eyes that she gave it all up------she has been thinking about this well before the bomb.

Dont beg, and dont kiss her arse - she has alot of decisions to make on her timetable, not YOUR stopwatch

[gogofo]

Go- SHE KNOWS YOU FKKING LOVE HER!!!! If you didnt she wouldnt have seen the changes that she has said she noticed.

Ok, thanks, I just laughed out loud, I needed that. I certainly hope she does.

Another thing that came up was that we both decided that 1 week on 1 week off with the kids does not work for us. We miss them too much to not see them for a week on end. She passingly mentioned that we could maybe do dinner once a week, but I did not push her or ask her to clarify. I will see if she extends the invite in the coming week.

Living this by her timeline is a little frustrating, okay really frustrating. If there is something I want to do I am a little like a race horse being held back except I can't show her that I am chomping on the bit. Don't want her to feel pressure.

What I would like to do is tell her I would like to go on the swimming weekend she is going on in a week with the kids for our niece's birthday. But, I don't want to pursue and pressure her... but damn, I really want to be there.

[ye21]

My friend you need a 2x4...my pleasure to help you w that
When we first come here we hear...its a marathon....

Well it is....do you see that she had the first talk and you suddenly doubt? Well if you doubt... She will doubt...
You can give up or you can continue the work on yourself... Once you believe your changes ( and this takes time) she will be more and more ready... Its not gonna get fixed in one talk...it will take more than what you think.... She notices changes... Thats good.z she is willing to talk... Thats good but I feel you went to the talk with expectations.....
You have to relax and believe in your changes and that will come with time...not in 6 months....it took you hears to be the way you were...what if tell you that it will take you years to settle the changes?
Let her follow her own path, she will only see what she wants to see...

When I saw my W the other day she just wanna to see that I was trying to screw her...was I? Nop but thats all she wanted to see...when would she be ready to talk to me? When she is able to see different things....if all she thinks is that I am screwing her thats her problem....she could see that I had to pay around $1000 because she decided to leave but she wasnt ready or didnt wanna to see that.... Was my job to tell her to see that? Nop

If your W just dont want to see what it is.... Is her the one who has to look inside of herself... Not your job to tell her what to see...if she wants to know she will ask

[gogofo]

Ye

Basically was venting and getting these feelings out of me. I know I need to hold back and wait for her to progress on her time line. I just needed to write out these feelings and get them out of me. I know I shouldn't say these things to her, so I have to say them somewhere.

Let's face it, the timeline of the WAS just plain [censored]; but I am in it for the long haul and will continue to show her how great the person she left is.

Made me feel successful that she noticed some of my changes in the beginning.

[ye21]

There you are thats my gogofo one day we will be having a cold beer and talk about all this and how much we learned about it. You are doing great and you are one of the people that I look into before I do any movement, keep the great work you are doing...life its taking care of you so you are not alone taking care of yourself...

[gogofo]

Thanks for the nice words Ye. Don't really know if I am someone who's actions should be followed as I'm fumbling through this just like the rest of us.

But just like others, I find inspiration and strength from most everyone's situation on here. We all have our strengths that we all can learn from.

Hope the weekend finds you doing well.

[gogofo]

Today was a little rough emotionally for me. Woke up tired and the kids went back with W at noon. Off and on I was getting waves of emotion. Our oldest son told me goodbye and I will miss you daddy. This is the first time he has done this out of the blue, broke my heart. I think the W heard it too because she went silent for a couple of seconds after he said it.

W asked if I was going to come over Thursday for dinner which will be great. It gives me another opportunity to show who I am and who she walked away from. We are going to have to talk about what kindergarten the oldest is going to attend because both houses have different schools. This will be interesting because I have to work early so I can't do the drop off or bus thing every day, the W has to take care of that. The bus stop is in front of her house, which is easy, but two days a week I will have to pick them up. Logistically there is no clear winner. This will have to be a big 180 talk for me as I need to emphasize how much I understand her POV.

I know she wants the kids to go in her area as the school is a little better and in her mind she has planned to still be separated. The only future talk she has is concerning separate houses.

Another 180 will be when they go swimming all weekend. When we talked she expressed feeling trapped and controlled. I could not go and do things and she felt that I prevented her and the kids from going alone. In retrospect I am sure she felt this way, but I wanted to go with them during those times and felt terrible I couldn't but I can't express that to her.

Should I show support and recognize that it will be a fun weekend? I feel like I should, but know that I cannot always trust my feelings right now. I would think if she felt trapped, me encouraging and showing support would be the 180 to the old me. Should I offer to gather their swim stuff? I have trouble with exactly how much support to show or offer.

I wish that she would have extended an invitation, I would love to go, but I also know I should not ask as this would be pursuing.

With a WAS the LBS has to wait until they express interest in them, is this correct?

If so I need to keep telling myself that she is not waiting for me to ask her out or express interest in attending events with her. I doubt she is waiting for me to ask her if I can come swimming.

When she talked about her thoughts of D and waiting for me to like her again it blew my mind. It has given me an irrational worry that she is waiting for me to pursue, but this can't be correct.

[paul19510]

pat of me thinks that her "acting like' she wants you to pursue is a form of testing. Perhaps one of the vets might have a better idea about it. Its definitely a mind game.