To this day I still can't see through her eyes what is so deplorable about me and/or our family that makes being single and having your baby part time a more viable/desirable option. I hate being without my boy and I can't think of too many things that I wouldn't do or work on in myself or my life to make my way back to him full time. Looking back on it, she wanted a family so badly (remember - 3 years of infertility and treatments) I can't see how this makes much sense. I know not to take too much of it on - but at moments I think to myself that I have GOT to be horrible for this to be a better choice.
Hey man, I dont like to hear that you feel like that... Thats the way we think things has to be...we do something "wrong" so we have to be punished because we deserve it... I dont know what you did to your W...but unless you did some kind of abusse, it makes no sense that a person has that anger....Its their life and they blame us for their problems but the reality its that most of the times we didnt do something so "wrong"
When my W left the house, she blamed me of not being financially solvent, of being inmature and lie to her, also not supporting her in her career... Its true, Well till a point it is...I worked as a photographer for 3 years...we were together for 4 and a half....inmature? Every time we had a problem I was willing to talk about it, she didnt, lie to her? Yes, I told her when I was 15 years old a pro cycling team gave me an offer to be a ciclist...it wasnt true.... Not supporting her in her career? Everytime she asked me if I though she was gonna be an actress I said yes, right away she would cut me and tell me I dont want to talk about this anymore...
When she left I blamed myself for all that, and couldnt see the reality...I wanted her to be with me and I would take any shot to make that work...
Do I deserve the insults? The disrespectfull attitudes? The "I am depress" why honey? "Its because of my career" ???? Do I deserve her flirting with other guys in front of me? Do I deserve her making fun of me in front of my friends and her family? The response its no, no matter what I did I dont deserve none of that...but untill I didnt gained enough self respect I couldnt see that, its true that I will always tell her about my problems at my work, its true that I got jealous when she will be flirting with others... Also its true that my W didnt put any effort in stopping blaming everybody of her problems...it was easier for her to blame everybody instead of looking inside her... There are things we dont like in our lifes so we work on them, but your W its not the person to tell you those things, at least not in that way, she has choices and can do whatever she wants nobody and nothing will stop her...but there is a big part we all loose when we loose the R, and that part its self respect...
Today I see my W from a different lens, I love her a lot, and I understand her for the first time, I understand one thing she told me once: I dont know how to accept love because I think I don't deserve it...
And because I see her in a different way, I stay away from her...because now I understand her frustrations, her fears and I understand why she had to escape the way she did...she was escaping from "her life" a life she didnt like it, and in that process somebody had to get hurt...
That doesnt justify that i deserve that....
Analize what you did, but analize it in a realistic way..... And you will realize what I am saying....sometimes its our fault...years ago I had a girlfriend that I abussed phisically... I dont blame her for living me I am actually happy now that she did, she didnt deserve what I did to her... Sometimes we do things that push W away, sometimes they are figuring out their lifes and being inside a R doesnt allow them to figure it out so they need to step away.... So dont fall in the "I caused everything mentallity" analize what you realistically dont like from your R and how you can change that, but also assume that sometimes they need to work on themselves and thats the only way they will be able to do it...by walking away
When the student its ready, the teacher will appear... Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
