melissa, continued part 2

[melissag]

Well, I'll acknowledge that I have critiqued my H's communication style in the heat of the moment and probably in a more defensive manner many times.

But I have also tried to discuss with him calmly.

My H has never before expressed frustration that he couldn't talk with me directly and openly. I was never inaccessible to him before BD. If he wanted to talk directly and openly I was always game.

His response when I tried to talk with him about these things?

I begged - BEGGED him on so many occasions to please let me have feelings. To acknowledge that my feelings were valid because I have them.

Well, he told me, unapologetically, that when I had a complaint about something, he would evaluate it and decide whether it was valid, or if I had a "right" to complain about it.

I asked him to please stop saying "always" and "never," and to stop exaggerating things because it was very hurtful. He told me that was just the way he expressed himself and to stop criticizing him.

I asked him to please stop extrapolating from what I said and take my words at face value. He said that he has to extrapolate - that's a part of understanding what's going on.

And the list goes on.

Since BD, no, I have not tried to talk with him about this. At first, I was LRTing, so i never brought up anything about my own feelings. At this point, I feel like most of what I say - even though I still don't talk about my feelings, criticize him, or complain about anything - is met with anger, so I feel like it's just a bad idea to bring up anything like that right now. At this point, I feel like I am just trying to avoid unpleasant interactions.