Hi Julie, I think a lot of us can relate to your recent posts. My H is a passive person (or was, until he decided he needed to overcompensate for having been passive for so many years, lucky me!). I was always strong and confident with a strong sense of self and healthy self esteem. I think that is what attracted him to me to begin with . . . but then at some point he must have been threatened by it, because he started to chip away at it.
Me asking for what I want/need was being "a pain in the ass." Stating an opinion meant I was "picky." If I complained about being hurt by him, I was criticizing him. It was important to me to do things right - that was me having unrealistic expectations. Etc. I became someone I didn't know and really didn't like much.
Just had a convo on FB DB about what good came out of BD. I got myself back. I am not 100% there - I had pretty far to go from where I started - but I am much closer to me than I have been for years.
I kind of thought that my H's own weak sense of self was the issue here . . . I hope so.
Sorry for the mini hijack -
I hope that it's possible to be yourself within a M, and for your spouse to be him/herself as well. I think it starts with loving yourself. I think that since we are doing this work, Julie, we will be in a much better place next time around (whether it is with H or someone else). The problem will be finding someone who has done the work on themselves, too. I feel like the vast majority of people walk around completely clueless. I wish therapy was required by law.
Julie, why were you uncomfortable talking to your C about forgiveness?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
