Separate and Filed walking on

[bluesgal]

Paul-Tough day. The hot chocolate was sweet. It's such a bummer to reach out and be rejected. I think you did the right thing by turning around. She's in a different place in her mind right now.

I have to believe we are all walking this path for a reason.

[paul19510]

Thanks M. Iam sure all this must sound crazy. No one knows I did it. Not even W. It would sound crazy. Heck it sounds crazy to me. But it happened. When I texted her after chatting via phone about kidd issues a couple of hours earler I remarked thst I knew what the day was and how fast the 17 years had gone. I wished her peace on this day. She reply with a simple "thanks".

It occured to me this morning that W has been someone's GF, W or Mom (all by her choice) without really taking anytime in between since she wss 16. She is 49. Next month. Perhaps that's what she means all these mo ths when she says she has to "find herself" in a sense thst is nothing at all to do with me. I'm just collateral damage during the process. ...is that possible?

[paul19510]

Blues, thanks. I agree. The barn area was pitch black and know that W is afraid of the dark. She only had enough electric going to run the space heater she borrowed and she was very likely tucked away sleeping or close to it. Nothing good would have come from me "knocking at the door" and offering anything.

I wish I understood why my mind hasn't quite let me off the hook with this M yet. More time and practice I guess.

[juliegayle]

Hey Paul just catching up on your sitch. I was just musing over on my thread about how many LBS don't realize they have lost their own identity until it is thrust upon them by spouse leaving. Maybe it is the same for WAS. They just deal with it differently?? My h keeps saying he needs to get his life back. He married his first wife very young and then met me before the ink was dry on their divorce papers. Maybe that has something to do with it. I guess the WHY doesn't really matter.

BTW the hot chocolate was sweet and romantic. Some woman (w or other) will appreciate that one day.

[paul19510]

Hi JG. Thanks for the post.

I decided to buy the kids Dunkin' D this morning. I picked up a dozen and on my way to it I past my W's barn. I saw she was still in the barn yard doing work.

Its cold and gloomy here today. I picked up 2 cups of coffee just the way we like it. I stopped at the curb and asked for permission to enter. She agreed. I took 2 Doughnuts and the coffee. She appreciated the warm drink. She slept in her truck all night next to the stall waiting for the foal to come. nothing yet. I stayed off the topic of R. We visited and laughed about other stuff. We caught up about the kids and her parents health. I tried to excuse myself a couple of times, but she kept the convo going.

I see her differently now. She's is wounded. I don't think she meant to hurt me. its just the way things are. I petted the horses and they enjoyed seeing me too. they miss me. W saw that.

W asked me to intercede with D16 for her. I told her I could not. I did tell her I've gotten D16 to see a T to help her deal with what's happening. I need to let W and D sort it out. She was a little short with me that I would not intercede, but I told her these things can't be pushed. Its interesting to see that W wants her space, but doesn't understand giving space to D16. Interesting.

I took some of the barn trash to our house since its still "our" trash for the moment. I did slip a little at the end of the visit (almost 90 minutes). I told W that I'd been her H for almost half of my adult life and was working to understand how to be something else now. It choked me up to say this and she just looked angry. I smiled and wished her a good day and she returned the sentiment.

[Georgiabelle]

Paul,

It sounds like you had both a good and difficult encounter. I know it's difficult to see them in a different way. However, you are right. Some people are truly wounded. And we can't fix them.

Have a good remainder of the day.

[paul19510]

journal: Saw W in driveway this morning. I was pleasant and approached her truck to talk about kids. She rolled the window down as little as possible to speak and then rolled it back up when she was done with what she had to say....rude. She told me she was done and wanted a D and I filed it. what's with people?

[melissag]

Sorry, Paul. My H is the same . . . he refuses to look at me and only speaks to me if I speak to him directly in front of the kids and he has no choice but to respond. I am not sure if he remembers how to smile at all, at least when I am around.

Oh well. They have their own reasons, I guess. We don't know what is going on in their heads, nor can we change it. Just have to let it go and not affect your mood, I guess. Easier said than done . . . it's definitely a practice!

[artsy]

Paul, regardless of what has happened, that's immature. Use it to help you detach.

You're doing great, and coming through the other side a better person.

[paul19510]

thanks for the checking in on me ladies I continue to walk.