Don't mean to hijack the thread here, but what is the squirrel analogy and the blanket outside of the castle? I googled, but didn't find what you may be referring to.
I won't do either of them justice (so if someone has it, please post!), but basically:
Imagine you are trying to feed a squirrel from your hand. Clearly, any sudden movements will send them off running, so you must move slowly. You make your hand seem as inviting as you can, without scaring him off. And it's going to take an awful lot of patience on your part before he'll even consider it.
When the squirrel finally works up the nerve to come to your hand, again, any sudden movements will send him scurrying....you can't immediately start petting him or anything. If you do something to scare him, he may never come back. So patiently, slowly, over time, the squirrel will built trust to come to you repeatedly.
The castle analogy is the same concept, except your spouse is inside a castle, behind a moat, drawbridge, etc. You set up a blanket outside, start enjoying yourself, laugh, have a good time. Eventually, the spouse will get curious and start watching. They may even sneak out of the castle for a closer look. If it turns out you're faking it, or you try to grab them, they'll return to the castle and may not come back.
So the idea is, if you detach, start working on you, find yourself, etc....there's a decent chance your spouse will notice, and may come to check things out. You have to be extremely patient....before they come, and even after. You cannot apply any pressure, or they will bail.
