Upwards - DB myself to happiness!

[Upwards]

Thanks again Breakdown, love your replies

What were you looking for? What did you think would happen?

I suppose he's always been the one to "make everything ok" and I was reaching out for support however I know that right now he cant offer me that so its pointless expecting it.

I think its good I did it in a lot of ways as I was okish & felt in control before hand and fell apart afterwards so it just shows that all it does it mess with my emotions/feelings.

Do you have a support group outside of this forum? Someone you can talk to? Someone who will listen without judgement, without trying to fix you? If you don't have an IC, perhaps check with your church, a close friend, a relative.

Yes I have a lot of support from my Mum & brother, they're both brilliant & really supportive although they both believe i'll be happier without my H so gently push in that direction which can be difficult but I know they're just looking out for me - they would stand by me no matter what I decided though.

I'm also seeing an IC weekly at the moment, that's really helpful just to get things in perspective and also to work on things from the past so I can move forwards properly.

I've been D'd for almost a year and I've only been NC for a few weeks!! You are a fricken star in my book! Keep your head high!

I know I should give myself more credit really! I know this will be the best way to make my H realise what he's lost & allow him to miss me properly, it will also give us both some space to figure out what we want and give me the chance to work on ME without his spew to listen to.

A few days ago he said he's missed me lots & thinks about me all the time (whilst we've still be in contact) so I imagine NC is going to be a real wake up call to him, the reality of his decisions are hitting him full force from what I can tell. Its my best chance of showing him what life without me will be like, its tough but i'm trying to keep the end goal in sight!