Upwards - DB myself to happiness!

[Upwards]

Yeh I have been to Al-Anon but there is only one meeting near me on a Monday & I have nobody to have the kids at the moment - hoping in a few weeks when I'm feeling better about things I'll be able to ask H to watch the kids but at the moment it's best I don't see him.

[ye21]

Why dont you try the phone meetings? They work too

[Upwards]

I didn't know they did phone meetings?

[Breakdown]

Must have been the calm before the storm.... I fell apart, completely overwhelmed & ended up ringing H

What were you looking for? What did you think would happen?

Have you read the analogy of the squirrel, or the one sitting on the blanket outside the castle? I highly recommend....sometimes thinking of things in this context can really help.

I AM HUMAN - must not beat myself up!

You're going to make mistakes, you are going to slip up...go easy on yourself. But get back up and keep marching. I think the important thing here is to understand why you did, and to not cycle it over and over.

Do you have a support group outside of this forum? Someone you can talk to? Someone who will listen without judgement, without trying to fix you? If you don't have an IC, perhaps check with your church, a close friend, a relative.

I've been D'd for almost a year and I've only been NC for a few weeks!! You are a fricken star in my book! Keep your head high!

[ye21]

alanonphonemeetings.org they have a bunch of them

[Upwards]

Thanks again Breakdown, love your replies

What were you looking for? What did you think would happen?

I suppose he's always been the one to "make everything ok" and I was reaching out for support however I know that right now he cant offer me that so its pointless expecting it.

I think its good I did it in a lot of ways as I was okish & felt in control before hand and fell apart afterwards so it just shows that all it does it mess with my emotions/feelings.

Do you have a support group outside of this forum? Someone you can talk to? Someone who will listen without judgement, without trying to fix you? If you don't have an IC, perhaps check with your church, a close friend, a relative.

Yes I have a lot of support from my Mum & brother, they're both brilliant & really supportive although they both believe i'll be happier without my H so gently push in that direction which can be difficult but I know they're just looking out for me - they would stand by me no matter what I decided though.

I'm also seeing an IC weekly at the moment, that's really helpful just to get things in perspective and also to work on things from the past so I can move forwards properly.

I've been D'd for almost a year and I've only been NC for a few weeks!! You are a fricken star in my book! Keep your head high!

I know I should give myself more credit really! I know this will be the best way to make my H realise what he's lost & allow him to miss me properly, it will also give us both some space to figure out what we want and give me the chance to work on ME without his spew to listen to.

A few days ago he said he's missed me lots & thinks about me all the time (whilst we've still be in contact) so I imagine NC is going to be a real wake up call to him, the reality of his decisions are hitting him full force from what I can tell. Its my best chance of showing him what life without me will be like, its tough but i'm trying to keep the end goal in sight!

[Upwards]

alanonphonemeetings.org they have a bunch of them

Thank you. I'm in the UK so it would cost me a fortune shame!

[Breakdown]

Yes I have a lot of support from my Mum & brother, they're both brilliant & really supportive although they both believe i'll be happier without my H so gently push in that direction which can be difficult but I know they're just looking out for me - they would stand by me no matter what I decided though.

Yeah, there's a section in DR that talks about family and friends. Most people just want you to be happy again and figure D is the fastest path to get there. Their intentions are good, but it's not always what we need. Just keep that in mind when talking to them. The IC is great.

...so I imagine NC is going to be a real wake up call to him, the reality of his decisions are hitting him full force from what I can tell. Its my best chance of showing him what life without me will be like, its tough but i'm trying to keep the end goal in sight!

I'd be careful here. Remember, the boundary is about protecting you....not about showing him what he's missing. It may be a side effect, but that's not the goal. And try not to mind read....there's no way to know what he's thinking.

[hrthrt9]

Breakdown-

Don't mean to hijack the thread here, but what is the squirrel analogy and the blanket outside of the castle? I googled, but didn't find what you may be referring to.

[Upwards]

Yeah, there's a section in DR that talks about family and friends. Most people just want you to be happy again and figure D is the fastest path to get there. Their intentions are good, but it's not always what we need. Just keep that in mind when talking to them. The IC is great.

Yeh they just want me to be happy & they've seen me get hurt so many times that they believe I'll be happier without H. They aren't forceful or anything, they just feel I need to leave him to it & focus on me right now I suppose, which they're dead right about!

Remember, the boundary is about protecting you....not about showing him what he's missing. It may be a side effect, but that's not the goal. And try not to mind read....there's no way to know what he's thinking.

Yeh I know, I'm doing it primarily for me & to protect myself.
He told me that it's all hit him since I started putting things in place to cut contact & that he's really finding it hard & hurting, me walking away has given him no option but to deal with the reality.