melissa, continued part 2

[melissag]

I already considered that, bug. No, I am not happy that I "got what I wanted."

Let's actually look at my sitch. Do you think I have once, in the past six months, gotten what I wanted?

Here's where I am coming from. I hate the fact that I cannot have a decent convo with my H. But he was so self serving and so manipulative and accusatory, and so reactive, that I had to set boundaries to protect myself. The boundaries were (a) I don't respond to disrespectful communications; and (b) all D matters go through the Ls. This is not something I would have ever wanted, but I felt it was necessary. The problem is, this has resulted in little to no communication at all, and has made my H very angry, which results in me having to further protect my boundaries, etc. It's a never-ending cycle that just continues to add layers and layers of hurt, anger, etc to an already difficult sitch.

(I know, I know, who cares if H is angry, that's his problem, etc. But it becomes my problem when it affects our R in a way that is damaging to the kids, as well as causing us unnecessary trauma and expense.)

I am hopeful that, since my H is willing to go to counseling, we can break that negative cycle.

That ^^^ is why I am happy.

I don't understand why you all are so sure that I rejected H's proposed C out of hand and without knowing anything about her. As I said, I read her CV and visited her website, as well as reading the online reviews from former patients. She isn't the kind of C I had in mind, when I suggested C. My "rejection" of her (which wasn't really a rejection, since, as I told H, I think she might be useful at some point in this process as well) was not based on the fact that H (H's lawyer) suggested her. Had my C suggested her, I would have said the same thing - that's not really the kind of C I am looking for.

What is a repeat of the pattern in our M is the way we get into a negative cycle and neither of us would do anything to break it. We just waited for the other one to do something and blamed it on each other.

I felt that I took a step - asking my H to go to counseling - to break that cycle. It would be far easier for me to continue to ignore him.