tbm4evr ...continued2

[sandi2]

I think this is what is called staining at a gnat and swallowing a camel.  

She is going to be all over the map with her mood swings.  You cannot make your decisions around her moods.  First, b/c you would never know what to expect.  Second, b/c nobody should have to have to live accordingly to another person's moods. 

At times you seem to cow down to whatever she tells you. I see a lot of LBH's doing the same thing. She will not only disrespect you for doing that....but will grow to utterly feel contempt.  Be a man and stand up to her!  You tell her what you will and won't do.....not the other way around.  

Why don't you pack her things and set by the door and tell her she can leave whenever she wants to live without you, but that you aren't going anywhere?  Why are you acting like a wimp when she says these sort of things?  Just like you wimped out to the kids.  That's not what a man does! She can't be attracted to you taking what she dishes out. Now you are hiding out in your room, trying to stay out of her way, and trying to decide if you should wash her dirty wine glass.  See how messed up your thinking has become?   

I don't buy one word of what she says about being told you should be move out. Her story went to telling you if there was ever a chance to R it would only come from you moving, and now the story changes b/c she's pouring on the pressure.  Expect it to change again, unless you lay down the law by stating unequivocally what you will not do. She is bullying you b/c you are playing the part of a coward.    

Look, don't misunderstand me for one second here.  I am not suggesting any type of domestic violence in what I am going to say.   I want that clear.  If men would understand how their tone of voice...and the way they stand...and the firm look in their eyes all say they are in a position of authority.  All of this in a man is actually respected by women, if the man knows how to use it.  Naturally, we don't want a jerk who doesn't know his head from his a$$, who is nothing more than a bully.  Nobody respects that!  Nobody wants to be treated like that.

You do not have a healthy M, but at times you seem to forget that fact and seem to expect her to just wake up one day and everything resume to normal. It won't. You have a WAW who is in an A and lying about it.  She is running your life....and ruining your life at the moment.  When are you going to stop saying there is nothing you can do but wait around? Take charge of your life.

I think as long as you try to act like one big happy family one day....and stay out of her sight the next day, you won't ever know how to deal with these smaller issues of washing the wine glass.  Make sense? You've tried to have it both ways.  When she gets mad, you think you'll treat her like a renter.  But then you want to act like you are married and you do things like a H.  Mostly out of habit (b/c you've been together 20 yrs), but still....you can't have it both ways and expect to get the results you are wanting.  

You have to stop being wishy-washy with her.  Open your mouth and walk up to her and tell her if she doesn't want to act like your W, and she doesn't want to be around you.......then she doesn't get the benefits either. But if you tell her, then you have to stick to your guns. You don't switch back the next day just b/c her mood changes.

You said you were treating her like a renter, but you weren't. You continued to do things as if she were your W. You asked her to pour you a drink and she went ballistic. Then you (the landlord) goes hide out. Then her mood changes and she expects coffee. You bounce back & forth over not knowing if you should wash her clothes, pack her lunch, etc.  Whatever you decide you MUST be consistent.  Otherwise, how is she suppose to know what to believe?

I am not going to tell you if you should wash her clothes or pack her lunches. You have a much bigger job of finding the man you need to be. I promise you that she is looking for a MAN in her life, not a cook/housekeeper/babysitter. And when or if you decide to start standing up to her, I believe you will find a lot of these answers for yourself.